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04/23/26   
Rock the bloat


Rusty Klein

In an outrageous effort to quell worries about drug involvement in the recent accidental bombing of a Canadian infantry unit by two American fighter pilots on amphetamines, the U.S. military has presented experts claiming the intake of amphetamines actually aids the performance of soldiers under stress. Is this the ultimate message about drugs we're sending to our children? — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“Fight back, men! It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean!”

-Capt. William Thomas Turner of the Lusitania
Fortune 500 Cookie
Looks like your lawyers have kept those topless photos out of the magazine; that and the fact you're 89 years old. Tonight, conquer life's mystery: Find out what that Alpo tastes like. Today is great week to give the gift of peanut brittle. Shaved or unshaved? Your dogs will love you either way. Today's lucky charms: Pink hearts, blue moons, green clovers, virtually any of them.


Try again later.
Top Justifications for Iraq War
1.France don't tell us we can't do something
2.Saddam said California was totally gay, for real
3.Thought country offered frequent invader incentives
4.Kuwait had "bad feeling" about some guys along the border
5.CIA had strong evidence of uncounted Florida ballots in Tikrit
Archives
The Budget Surplus
Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard... (1/6/03)

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