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05/2/26   
Land of the freaks, home of the babes


Rusty Klein

In an outrageous effort to quell worries about drug involvement in the recent accidental bombing of a Canadian infantry unit by two American fighter pilots on amphetamines, the U.S. military has presented experts claiming the intake of amphetamines actually aids the performance of soldiers under stress. Is this the ultimate message about drugs we're sending to our children? — Professor Jeremy Klein










Milestones
2004: President Bush, in a farewell address to the nation, apologizes for corruption in his administration and senseless slaughter of American lives, as well as the mangling of the language (courtesy of Future Bob).
Now Hiring
New Now Hiring Guy. What can we say? Richie quit. Stupid, if you ask us. It was a sweet gig. Most of time he never even got any applications or resumes to review. He just made up half these jobs, but don't tell anyone we said so. You just can't make some people happy.
Top 5 Worst Ways to Start a Letter
1.Dear Cum-Dumpsters...
2.Remember you said you wouldn't lend me money even if I had abducted your family? Well…
3.Fellow Grand Dragons...
4.Long time, no lawsuit...
5.Boy, when you moved away without telling me where you were going I thought I'd never find you…
Archives
The Budget Surplus
Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard... (1/6/03)

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