the commune

Rusty Klein

In an outrageous effort to quell worries about drug involvement in the recent accidental bombing of a Canadian infantry unit by two American fighter pilots on amphetamines, the U.S. military has presented experts claiming the intake of amphetamines actually aids the performance of soldiers under stress. Is this the ultimate message about drugs we're sending to our children? â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Milestones

2002: commune staffer writes this Ã¬MilestonesÃ® blurb, causing time to fold in on itself and destroy the universe.

Now Hiring

Charles Bronson. Experienced Charles Bronson needed to pull off some Deathwish-style menacing to scare off Ivana Folger-Balzac once and for all. Five years Charles Bronson experience minimum. Please provide references, and filmography.

Top Positive Changes Inspired by Va. Tech Massacre

1.	Public now rightfully suspicious of South Koreans
2.	Bush to up military spending to ensure troops aren't outgunned by Iraqi college students
3.	Handguns: two for the price of one, Big Dill's Gun Barn, Williamsburg, VA
4.	Congress to pass ban on recreational bazookas
5.	Grand Theft Auto: Va. Tech to carry "It's just a game" disclaimer

The Budget Surplus
Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard... (1/6/03)