You need a newer browser.

07/13/26   
Time flies when you're timing flies


Rusty Klein

In an outrageous effort to quell worries about drug involvement in the recent accidental bombing of a Canadian infantry unit by two American fighter pilots on amphetamines, the U.S. military has presented experts claiming the intake of amphetamines actually aids the performance of soldiers under stress. Is this the ultimate message about drugs we're sending to our children? — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“The day destroys the night, the night divides the day, carry the four, times the weekend, round up from seven, and: Presto! 14. Not sure what that means, I'll get back to you next album.”

-Gin Orbison
Fortune 500 Cookie
Monkeys and live electrical wire are a bad combo for you this week. Try combing your hair with a rake—hey, maybe those jokers were right. You will quit smoking this week, and upgrade to the syringe. Don't take any shit from the crippled, elderly, or the extremely weak: pretty much anybody you can get your girlfriend to beat up. This week's lucky burritos: Refried Revenge, Chock-Full- O-Olives, The Grand Mal, Nuthin-But-Sour- Cream, El Sleeping Bag, Someone Beaned My Ass Tonight.


Try again later.
Worst Country Songs Ever
1.She Left Me for an African-American
2.I Don't Feel Like Drinkin'
3.Here's a Quarter, Go Buy Some Bubblegum
4.What's the Capital of Tennessee Again?
5.If Anyone Needs Me, I'll be Down at the Nail Salon
6.Regretfulness is the Hardest Word to Spell
7.Mama Didn't Raise No Episcopalians
8.I'm So Lonesome I Could Call an Escort Service
9.I Got This Hat on Sale
10.You Mispronounced My Name for the Very Last Time
Archives
The Budget Surplus
Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard... (1/6/03)

more