the commune

Rusty Klein

Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard times with the current recessionâ€”which is what a budget surplus should be saved for. â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Milestones

1812: Some kind of war of note happened, probably involving some big shot historical guys. People waved their dicks around and shouted, most likely.

Now Hiring

Bitchin' Ninja. Ass-kicking ninja needed for sword-swallowing, punching through solid rock, hiding underwater for days at a time, providing tactical superiority over other online news-magazines, cosmetics consultations, brick-laying, snowboarding out of airplanes, cooking delicious soufflÃ©s, cowering foes with a steely glare, and taxidermy. Mystical world-view a plus.

Worst Things to Yell in Church

1.	"Who the hell I gotta fuck to get a communion wafer around here?"
2.	"Father, bless me for I have pissed the confessional againâ€¦"
3.	"Altar boy sleepover? Bitchin'!"
4.	"Gawd, did you see that dude up there nailed to that cross? Creeeep-y!"
5.	"Am I the only one here for the monster truck show?"