
Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard times with the current recession—which is what a budget surplus should be saved for. — Professor Jeremy KleinMilestones1994: Omar Bricks arrested after setting a statue of the Virgin Mary ablaze atop the Ferris wheel at the State Fair. Gets off on a technicality that goes down in legal history as the Proud Mary defenseNow HiringFlamenco Dancer. Leggy Latin beauty needed to, well, you know. And dance. Must be disease-free and light on the orthodontia. Garden hose-based qualifications a big plus. Mus- wait. Really? Then what the hell's flamenco?Unlikeliest Candidates for New Pope| 1. | Joe Piscopo (Hereby known as Joe Piscopope) | | 2. | Winner of three-man guitar contest between Steve Vai, Yngwie Malmsteen, and Joe Satriani | | 3. | Real Pope, once impostor is out of the way | | 4. | Pope's son Iggy Pope | | 5. | Jimmy Cutler, winner of 2002 American Pope reality show contest, waiting all this time for his big chance | |
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