Milestones
131 B.C.: Roman inventor Pontius creates love accidentally while trying to come up with a perfume that staves off homosexuality. Anyone who disagrees, we invite them to tell us who created love then.Now Hiring
Barber. Staff barber sought to keep heads neat and trim, faces clean shaven, and reduce hippieness by at least 30%. Own scissors and weird Vitalis smell a plus. Controversial "tell-it-like-it-is" barbers need not apply.Least Requested Christmas Gifts
| 1. | Sleepover at Neverland Ranch |
| 2. | Likes-it-Rough Elmo |
| 3. | Virtual Crackbaby |
| 4. | Inoperable Brain Tumor |
| 5. | Hot Toddy, the hottest doll of 1922 |
| 6. | New Matrix sequels |
| 7. | Saddam Hussein action figure with Hideaway Hovel playset |
| 8. | Online Predator Chat for X-Box Live |
| 9. | Four More Years |
| 10. | No Hope for the Holidays, an all-star Christmas Depression |
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