the commune

Rusty Klein

Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard times with the current recessionâ€”which is what a budget surplus should be saved for. â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Quote of the Day

“A nation divided against itself, times three more nations, plus six more nations and an independent state, divided by two nations, isâ€¦ shit. I always do this. I forgot to carry the remainder. Does anyone have a calculator I can borrow?”

-Abie Lincoln Hayes

Fortune 500 Cookie

Today is the day the son of a bitch finally dies. You know what would be good right about now? Chili con carne. Isn't it funny how the one time you forget to wear a condom is the one time you end up catching a seriously painful contagious disease? Lucky for you, the world can always abide one more asshole.

Try again later.

Top 5 Smart New Weight Loss Tips

1.	Carbs are like the devilâ€™s penis: Delicious but fattening.
2.	After a workout, treat yourself to a tasty ice cube sandwich.
3.	Weigh yourself after masturbating. For guys, youâ€™ll be a little bit lighter. For the ladies, you wonâ€™t be so upset when you find out youâ€™re still fat.
4.	Youâ€™re never going to lose any weight if you insist on eating every single day.
5.	At-home liposuction is the third-easiest surgery to perform on yourself at home, after heart valve roto-rootering and a cock transplant.