Milestones
1983: Red Bagel is thrown out of a casino for counting cards. He is not cheating, merely trying to settle a bet with a friend on how many decks the casino uses.Now Hiring
James Bondian Action Hero. Must be proficient in fire arms and small mechanical gadgets with ridiculous capabilities. Responsibilities include killing unnamed lackeys and doing battle with bizarre supervillians of non-distinct European origin. Good benefits, adventure, and pussy galore. Best Unreported News
| 1. | President Bush Built from Japanese Parts |
| 2. | Dale Earnhardt Fans Waiting Like Fanatics for His Return |
| 3. | Lawrenceville, KS Shoney's Buffet Huge Fucking Rip-Off |
| 4. | RuPaul All Man Underneath Dress |
| 5. | Country of Chad Non-Existent, Just Some Joke by Guy Named Chad |
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