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07/14/26   
Help for the helpless. Hap for the hapless.


Rusty Klein

Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard times with the current recession—which is what a budget surplus should be saved for. — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“Christ on a bike! Did anybody else see that guy that looked just like Jesus Christ riding by on a bicycle a minute ago?”

-LeVonn Marthers
Fortune 500 Cookie
Last week was your best week; sorry we're late getting to you about that. From here on out, your life's gonna be shit on chips. Your dreams of becoming a major baseball star will be derailed this week by the fact that you couldn't hit a cow in the ass with a shovel. Stop using the term "Gay Bash," at once: it does not mean a fun party for homosexuals. This week's lucky Bings: Crosby, Chandler, Bada, cherries, the sound of a superball being shot out of an air cannon into an old woman's neck flap.

Try again later.
Top 5 Things Heard on Election Night
1."Now keep in mind, with only 2% of the precincts reporting, it could go either way. But it certainly looks good for Mr. Nader at the moment."
2."What the fuck is that blue one? Vermont?"
3."The polls have just closed, and thank God, the bars are just opening…"
4."I can't believe this—even Wyoming has an electoral vote."
5."This is not happening… this is not happening…."
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