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02/16/26   
Sliding down the razor blade of happiness into the alcohol of joy


Rusty Klein

Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard times with the current recession—which is what a budget surplus should be saved for. — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“Love is blindness, deafness, muteness, retardation, spinal bifida, shingles, crotch rot, Alzheimer's, malaria, gout, rubella…”

-Doctor Love
Fortune 500 Cookie
Don't spit, shit, or knit into the wind this week; as a matter of fact—stay out of the wind entirely. And those gibberish Mariachi lyrics you've been humming for the last three years—time to give that a rest. You will be mortified this week to discover that the family camping trips you've been repressing since childhood were the inspiration for Brokeback Mountain, and that you're not actually related to your uncle Phil. This week's lucky colas: Mister Flat, Diet Riot, Vanilla RBX174, Buurp, Cherry Fairy, PreP, Pepsi-dAC.


Try again later.
Top 5 Ways Bush Could Raise Approval Rating
1.Replace Hugh Jackman in next X-Men sequel
2.Give out free abortion to pro-choicers on Roe v. Wade anniversary; for pro-lifers, kill convicted criminal
3.Be seen everywhere with new wheelchair-bound friend
4.Go on Leno, punch Tom Cruise right in sack
5.Win war on terrorism, declare war on disagreement next
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