You need a newer browser.

11/29/25   
Like a game of Lonely, Lonely Hippos


Rusty Klein

Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard times with the current recession—which is what a budget surplus should be saved for. — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“Be always on the phone, so that when the devil calls, he will get your voicemail.”

-St. Jerry
Fortune 500 Cookie
Just because you don't like the message, don't waste your time killing the messenger. John of Lancaster already took care of that for you 500 years ago. New scientific breakthroughs now make it possible to wash your hair while it's still attached to your head: no more tedious cutting and re-attaching with naval knots. Try to remember: Chex are for breakfast, checks are for paying bills. You will mix those up again this week. This week's lucky dogs: Lassie's offspring still living off residuals, all Irish breeds, and the two-legged one-balled variety.


Try again later.
Top Shocking New Barry Bonds Allegations
1.Extra 45 pounds of muscle added in 1998 not actually from special "Reverse-Atkins Crazy Carboholics" diet
2.Injected Flubber into testicles, just for hell of it
3.Paunchy, long-haired trainer "Camaro Dan" not actual fitness expert
4.Dosed with Nyquil—during daylight hours!
5.Bonds' bats made from genetically-modified maple trees
6.Therapeutic skin grafts actually beef grafts
7.Bonds-endorsed "Human Growth Flakes" cereal not safe for children
8.Bonds didn't actually write "Surfin' Safari"
9.Tasmanian Devil hormone injections not a court-ordered road rage treatment
10.Friends, relatives refer to Bonds as "Skippy"
Archives
more