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07/11/26   
commune fever: die from it!


Rusty Klein

Once again George Bush has proven that Democrats excel at domestic issues while the Republicans falter. Blowing the budget surplus on a minor tax break made him popular for a little while, but we've wasted our budget surplus before hitting on hard times with the current recession—which is what a budget surplus should be saved for. — Professor Jeremy Klein










Milestones
1750: Antonio Salieri, second-rate composer and eternal inspiration to the commune. His alleged murder of Mozart, as portrayed in Amadeus, forever encourages us in our war with Crochet! magazine.
Now Hiring
Stepchild. Just sit around and eat and drink me out of house and home without ever raising a finger. Hey, I'm talking to you, you little shit. There ain't no law says I got to be nice to you just 'cause I'm knocking boots with your mom.
Top Pants-Missing Explanations
1.Busted out Hulk-style
2.Told one lie too many
3.Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.What, aren't you hot?
5.Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.Made ass look big
7.Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.Sat in ham
10.You kidding? Pants are so 2002
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