![]() Lunch Moneyby Cassandra Steiger ![]() ![]() December 23, 2002 Listen up, Billy Olson
I'm a drink you up like Molson make you sing like a fat Al Jolson grab your tits and milk 'em both, son. 'Cause you messed with the best I confess it's no test I am the real thing you will know the hurt I bring forget this skirt, I am the King of your pudgy white ass they'll put your cheeks in a cast for six to eight weeks and the chicks who hate geeks will know your ass reeks 'cause you can't wash it I'm a squash it and I'll pound it to dough When will I stop? I don't know and neither will you they'll have to put in a screw to keep your ass from falling out your pants when you dance and at a glance you'll look like Grimace in Dockers and subliminal shockers will spill from your sputtering lips while I beat you to fish and chips like your mom got it on with a Panda bear and your big brother blows his nose in your hair. I'm a hurt you make your parents desert you like they wish that they could do like they know that they should do like a stinky no-good shoe, shit. I'm gonna be on you like yellow on Twinkie I'll snap your neck with my pinkie I'll crap your deck while I'm drinking a Capri Sun filled with kerosene then I'll piss on you, 'cause I'm that mean and set you on fire for Halloween. You'll know it's no joke when your nose is broke and I suppose I'll choke you and take your toes to smoke too and your clothes will soak through when blood flows I'll poke you then God knows you'll croak too. 'Cause your ass is grass and I'm the ass-wiper I'm hyper I wear you like a shit-on diaper I'm crazy like the beltway sniper fucked up times three on crack croaked in a bathroom heart attack... They'll find you in a burlap sack. Bitch, I want my lunch money back. Quote of the Day“Get out of my way, you're crapping up my genius, dumbnuts.”-Ayn Randy Fortune 500 CookieAll of those great things we said were going to happen to you last week? Yeah, sorry, we had you mixed up with your brother. You're fucked. Try parking your car at the far end of the lot and walking this week: everyone finds the way you jiggle when you walk highly amusing. Your friends and the packaging aren't lying: that's not toothpaste. Did you really think you were going to get away with naming your son Pringles? This week's lucky ass creams: Vaseline Intensive Hair, Ditch the Itch Ultra, Smooth Movers Hibiscus Scent, Baby's Ass in a Bottle, Johnson & Johnson No More Flaming Mass of Ground Hamburger Hemorrhoid Salve.Try again later. Worst-Selling Children's Books
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