Thug Life

by Billy Olson

December 9, 2002

You can take your poetry class
grind it into a meatball
and cram it up your ass
Mr. Costenoble,
you fruity pebble prick.

And Health teacher,
I'm warning you
to mind your own girth
I could out-eat you
since long before birth
I had a twin brother
way back in the womb
"I ain't hoggin' the food tube,
get the hell out my room!"
He ain't around no longer, you want to be next?
Then use me one more time to illustrate the text.

Go on, girls, keep on giggling
about the time I got kicked out of the cafeteria
for sneaking a second helping.
That's a good way to get your tits kicked in.

Eating lunch alone is my prerogative
they give me all the pudding they by law can give
"Yoohoo, bitch, it's chocolate milk!
I didn't come here for no soyburgers and Silk."
Who said I ate all the cookies my mom made for the class?
Damn, you must be aching for a Ked up your ass.

Denny McFarlaine needed to get all up in my biz?
Saying my ass was fat and my brownie was his?
Though I wanted to snap the nuts off this fine fellow
and shout and scream and holler and bellow
I decided to just play it mellow.

And when I was done with lunch,
with a bone-shattering crunch
I kicked his ass into Jell-o,
just as a way to say hello.
So much for playing it mellow.

Or at least I will the next time he plays it like that.

Quote of the Day

“If you love someone, set them free. If they do not return, then you were stupid for following my advice.”

-Bachard Richman

Fortune 500 Cookie

Don't blame anyone else for your own problems, blame EVERYONE else. Try a new deodorant this week, your friends agree the theoretical kind hasn't been cutting it. You will meet a small armadillo that will teach you arithmetic, but few will buy that story at the trial. This week's lucky karate moves: The Iron Ostrich, Yun-Wi's Forceful Throat Massage, Western Ballsack Slap, and The Forbidden Tongue Stomp of Zi-Zi Tohp.

Try again later.

Top 5 Reasons There's No Way That Asshole Can Win the Republican Nomination

1.	Too crazy/not crazy enough/not the right kind of crazy
2.	Makes swing voters shit blood at the sound of his/her name
3.	Once snorted cocaine off the belly of an underage Thai hooker who believes in big government
4.	Has been photographed not trying to kill Obama with their bare hands
5.	Can read

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