08/7/26
Phoning it in since 1997
|  Conversations Vol. 2  November 25, 2002 I've never seen a dog smile.
Maybe dogs don't like you. What's not to like? It's not a dilemma for me; I don't like any kind of snot. I never got my dilemma. For High School. Diploma. God Bless You. You weren't able to finish High School? No, and for that I blame the Finns. At least you could have lettered on the swim team. Nope, they were papier-mâchĂ©. You tested them out? Yes, in the kiddie pool. I didn't want to drown. I think your classmates would have outvoted you on that one. Who's Juan? I think you may have the brain fever, you're obviously confused. At least you know you can't catch it from me. Good point. So what did you do after high school? I wanted to go to culinary school in Ireland, but I couldn't find one. You might as well face it, you love fuckin' potatoes. Only when there aren't any ripe pumpkins handy. Well, let's just hope Farmer Brown doesn't bring a paternity suit. No kidding. Are those the ones with the big lapels? Yuck. Anyone ever tell you you're a genius? Not since I started keeping track. Shocking, that is. Quote of the Day“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that's completely impossible by the laws of physics and laughable to every sane person.”-Mark Twaint Fortune 500 CookieThis is the week you finally snap. All those years spent strengthening your middle finger and thumb are really going to pay off big-time, playa. Try keeping your dehydrated mashed potato flakes and your dandruff collection in different-colored boxes this week, just in case that last date ever comes back. Oh, that autobiography you wrote in l33t? Yeah dude, nobody can read that shit. This week's lucky porn cameos: Jenna Jameson in the pilot of that awesome new Hoarders spin-off, Whoreders, Big Bird in Larry Bird: Big Bird, The Ghost of John Holmes in everything else you watch because you burnt that shit into your plasma, dumbass, and …wait, Ron Jeremy in your wedding video? WTF?Try again later. Top 5 commune Features This Week
 Angry Like a Eunuch's Long-Gone Balls Sorry, pardon the bad attitude, but I'm fresh out of condoms. What really pisses me off is that it probably won't make a difference. Think about it for a minute, if running out of rubbers is going to change your day at all and you'll probably get... (11/11/02) The Myth of American Constipation Jesus. It's as cold as Hillary Clinton's snatch out there. I know this happens every year, but Good God. Does it really? Like this? Knock on wood and hopefully I'm not screwing myself here, but is constipation really the big national... (10/28/02) The Dating Game: Ages 10 and Up There's just no way you can help what happened with the women in the end. I mean, when you think about it, once we started demanding that everybody should look like ten year-old girls with abnormally accelerated breast development, it was only a... (10/14/02)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.