Spastic Gastric Function

by Violet Tiara

November 25, 2002

"Spastic Gastric Function"
is the social event of the year,
bathe your Clydesdales in lite beer...
Homeo-apathy as a viable career?

Flaccid pansies? I'd eat them gladly.
Anteaters play clarinets,
from the trunks of blue corvettes,
the gentlemen have placed their bets.

Take your chances
on pairs of pantses
that look lovely when they're nuzzled
between the ass cheeks of male models
who suck the rubber tit of baby bottles.

Terrorists?
Don't act so pissed,
just because your country's all full of sand.
Think sand castles all across the land!
Everyone's a king until the crabs attack.

The earth cries,
the French fries
have eyes and legs.
Holy shit McDonalds on acid!
There's a tarantula with Velcro knees,
George Bush honking on the Japanese.

Rubbery dumplings
shit out the ass of mumbling somethings,
green are their eyes but they only say one thing:
"Hello can I take your order?"

Ronald please,
no angry cow disease
for me.
I'll have the salad, plain as Jane,
and please hold the holes in my brain.

The world's a kaleidoscope
not an Al-Qaidascope
and we all try to hope
we'll live long enough to elope,
a wedding in mauve and taupe
with incontinents jumping rope.

Or at least a back-seat grope
with some kind of hot-ass guru or something
we met at the Spastic Gastric Function.

Quote of the Day

“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the people; except, of course, for those people who keep giving Tony Danza a TV series.”

-H.M. Lincoln

Fortune 500 Cookie

Our deepest condolences for your lossâ€”but cheer up, there will be another Powerball lottery before you know it. Taco Bell wasn't fucking with you about that protection money, as you'll find out this week. You were right: you should have weighted that body down better. Lucky feathers this week: Condor, goose, anything Elton John wore in the '70s.

Try again later.

Top Nonsensical Curses

1.	Motherbumper Fannyfuck
2.	Shitwheeler
3.	Short-Handled Ass Tank
4.	Mop-Handle Michelangelo
5.	PelÃ©!

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