My New Lifestyle

by Wes Thurmon

August 5, 2002

Monday, August 5, 2002
If I could ever be
as free as a tree,
I'd pee only Brie.
My neighbors would see
the beauty of me.

I'd sing like a duck
and have all the good luck.
I'd dance for a buck
and sleep in a truck
I bought for a buck
and I'd laugh "Nyuk nyuk nyuk."

What a beautiful day!
I almost wish I was gay
and I lived in L.A.
What more can I say?
What a wonderful life that would beâ€¦

Eating green spinach pie,
reading about Princess Di.
Pausing briefly to sigh
"These sad books make me cry!"
But this dark purple tie
is so stylish, I could die!
But I won't 'cause it's great to be meâ€¦

Yes this is the life
I've waited for all my life.
No more fat, naggy wife!
No more mis'ry or strife!
New gay lifestyle I love theeâ€¦

People will talk
of my beautiful cock
that I keep in a sock
under key under lock
cause he's hard as a rock
and he's covered in chalk
and he can take a knock.
He's a tough little chicken you seeâ€¦

My identity? Clarified!
My new lifestyle? Verified!
Wait, naked men? Terrified!

Terrified! Terrified!

New gay lifestyle I'll miss theeâ€¦

Milestones

1978: Griswald Dreck's landmark third grade report "George Washington: Star of the Negro Leagues" creates a fervor in the classroom, leading to the firing of third grade teacher Anais Brockmiller and a thorough review of the state's history textbooks.

Now Hiring

Eunuch. No job really, just sit around and answer questions about what it's like to be a eunuch. Maybe take a blow to the groin to no effect every once in a while to impress office visitors and guests. Talking in a Mickey Mouse voice might be kinda funny too.

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