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05/14/26   
Eat shit and prosper

My New Lifestyle

by Wes Thurmon
bio/email
August 5, 2002
Monday, August 5, 2002
If I could ever be
as free as a tree,
I'd pee only Brie.
My neighbors would see
the beauty of me.

I'd sing like a duck
and have all the good luck.
I'd dance for a buck
and sleep in a truck
I bought for a buck
and I'd laugh "Nyuk nyuk nyuk."

What a beautiful day!
I almost wish I was gay
and I lived in L.A.
What more can I say?
What a wonderful life that would be…

Eating green spinach pie,
reading about Princess Di.
Pausing briefly to sigh
"These sad books make me cry!"
But this dark purple tie
is so stylish, I could die!
But I won't 'cause it's great to be me…

Yes this is the life
I've waited for all my life.
No more fat, naggy wife!
No more mis'ry or strife!
New gay lifestyle I love thee…

People will talk
of my beautiful cock
that I keep in a sock
under key under lock
cause he's hard as a rock
and he's covered in chalk
and he can take a knock.
He's a tough little chicken you see…

My identity? Clarified!
My new lifestyle? Verified!
Wait, naked men? Terrified!

Terrified! Terrified!

New gay lifestyle I'll miss thee…


Quote of the Day
“Sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much. Okay, you want the truth? It's not the honesty. It's that really rough patch of skin you have. Have you ever been to a doctor for shingles?”

-Hildy Daniels
Fortune 500 Cookie
This Bud's for you; at least, that's what I'm telling the cops if they pull us over. You'll be horrified to learn that woman you've been ogling in that "Physical" video for years is mom. White man finally break treaty again, just like you been expecting all these years. Take the Rockford Files theme off your answering machine already, the joke was old in 1994.


Try again later.
Top 5 Issues for Next Supreme Court
1.Official legal definition of "fucked up"
2.Arrange long-awaited challenge of man versus beast
3.Discount a minimum of ten urban legends
4.Settle this Lindsey Lohan-Hilary Duff feud once and for all
5.Reverse hundreds of years of progress
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