State of the Union Jack

by D.J. Mac Factor

July 22, 2002

Random parables are wearable
surf sluts speak of Sarin gas
like a bubble from Hitler's ass
America's flying at half-mast

Conspirators eat beer and s'mores
while Dutch elves poison naked bears
nobody cares what the emperor wears
as long as he curtsies when he swears

Ugly duckling nipple-suckling
foreigners with blonde toupees
cheering for the Oakland A's
suffering through their own malaise

The end is near, the beer is here
wise up, rise up and get busy
concubines will make you dizzy
avoid them when they're in a tizzy

Omar Bricks get the chicks
Rok Finger gets the underage cripples
When Bagel moves his ass ripples
Lil gets down like Mr. Whipple

Whatup, shutup bitch be a cut-up
you can't play Bach on a busted up cello
Bush ain't even black when he plays Othello
best to be mellow like your ass was yellow.

Quote of the Day

“If you can't stand the heat, turn down the goddamned heater.”

-Cheri S. Truman

Fortune 500 Cookie

You will find great happiness in wok. Be on the lookout for signs, they may guide you to riches or prevent you from driving on the railroad tracks. A large dog will determine your fate. Remember: Just a dab heals dry skin, but larger quantities can lube an entire baby. Lucky numbers: 0, 0, 0, 6.

Try again later.

Top Other Inventions by the Crash Test Dummy Creator

1.	Self-ejecting canned corn
2.	5-string bass
3.	Hot HandsÂ®, the cheapest, safest, easiest way to light your hands on fire
4.	Crash Test Dummy Secret Base Playset (Figures sold separately)
5.	Freshomatic, battery-powered freshness-testing meter

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