12/16/25
The alternative to good news
|  Dinner Dateby Violet Tiara   May 27, 2002 Swizzle-stick me in a jar,
mastodons in foreign cars. Oh what lovely buggering bubbly sex shows on starships tonight! Chew up those rancid tulips like I know you want to, Stone Phillips. Belching out butterflies, watching them flutter by, gastric delights hued in blue. Don't be so dumb, dressed up and down in that bubblegum. Don't you know you're the queen? Practical jokes are so mean. My lady you drink like a whore. Rubber wigs are low-fuss. Parsley sprigs condemn us. Slap on that wig and shit out a fig, see if they won't now get us a table! Stone Phillips, the queen and me, dancing on MTV. Dining on the finest low-calorie vaginas this posh restaurant can provide us. Laughing whenever we see the bluebirds of jealousy. Asking a Yeti with a ceramic machete to kindly pass the spicy mustards. The creature, a teacher, a pig and the pope sang a song all about their plans to elope. And with a loud blast the ballroom was gassed (and though it was passed) I don't think that was spicy mustard. Quote of the Day“The Devil finds work for idle hands. It's all part-time clerical work, but the pay is kick-ass. The Devil is no longer hiring for assembly work.”-Ted's Big Book of Bible Fortune 500 CookieThis week you'll finally get that pot to piss in, but before you start unzipping, we should warn you it's second-hand. Turn on, tune in, and drop out—you've missed too many days in that computer programming class. Look for a bright-eyed Aries to take away all your troubles when she shoots you in the throat. Lucky scams this week: Pyramid, carnival ring toss, Florida voter roll purges, and it's okay, I had a vasectomy.Try again later. Worst-Selling Breakfast Cereals
 Drink a Toast to the Liver Consider once The lonely liver Liver of a life deemed lower By those organs hip and trendy Who might be smaller or more bendy Consider twice The noble liver Throbbing like a might river Toiling in the depths and murky When we drink too... (5/13/02) The Rickles The Rickles like tickles and pickles and pee. The Zicklers are sticklers for conformity. The Mounces eat rayguns, the Olaffs smoke brie, Where did they all come from? Beats the crap out of me. I once wed a Shloopa 'neath the Caspian... (4/29/02) Midnight Snack All the summer dumplings want to eat me alive, I get a hostile greeting even before I arrive! Oh me oh my, I've pissed off the pie! What an unfortunate fate! Why'd I have to delve into the custard so late? Now my gentle dreamland has been... (4/15/02)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.