Drink a Toast to the Liver

by Jay Salinas

May 13, 2002

Consider once
The lonely liver
Liver of a life deemed lower
By those organs hip and trendy
Who might be smaller or more bendy

Consider twice
The noble liver
Throbbing like a might river
Toiling in the depths and murky
When we drink too much Wild Turkey

Consider thrice
The liver proper
Filtering out those vodka poppers
The Benzadrine, horse tranquilizers
Of all the organs, you're the Kaiser

Consider thrice plus one
The liver's big day in the sun
Scooped up from where it's confined
Carefully with my guts aligned
A new liver, mine all mine!

Consider five times
The shitty liver
Life sustaining Indian-giver
Takes a lick and craps right out
Candy-assed, without a doubt

Consider six times, once again
This over-rated cream puff organ
Share with me a round or three
Have a drink in memory
Of the sixth new liver
That pussed out on me.

Milestones

1990: Red Bagel's dark vision of the future presented in lecture form at a local college predicts a war in Iraq, though he incorrectly predicts the date as 2002. Unlessâ€¦ well, we'll wait and see, won't we?

Now Hiring

Bartender. Mix all variety of drinks, serve beers with a quick smile and friendly expression. Listening a must, flipping bottles and spinning like in Cocktail a plus. Must know when to cut off Ramrod Hurleyâ€”immediatelyâ€”and when to cut off Red Bagelâ€”never, if you like your job.

Top Secret Shames

1.	Checked out own mom's ass
2.	Own Taco Bell dog doll
3.	Smarter than husband
4.	Am Richard Simmons
5.	Loved Battlefield Earth

The Rickles
The Rickles like tickles and pickles and pee. The Zicklers are sticklers for conformity. The Mounces eat rayguns, the Olaffs smoke brie, Where did they all come from? Beats the crap out of me. I once wed a Shloopa 'neath the Caspian... (4/29/02)

Midnight Snack
All the summer dumplings want to eat me alive, I get a hostile greeting even before I arrive! Oh me oh my, I've pissed off the pie! What an unfortunate fate! Why'd I have to delve into the custard so late? Now my gentle dreamland has been... (4/15/02)

Naomi, I Moan
A slut nixes sex in Tulsa -- "Sex at noon taxes." Evil I did dwell, lewd did I live, Pull up if I pull up! Dammit, I'm mad! Dennis and Edna sinned! Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era? Don't nod, Go hang a salami, I'm a... (4/1/02)