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07/15/25   
High on life, and it is a bad trip

The Rickles

by Violet Tiara
bio/email
April 29, 2002
The Rickles like tickles
and pickles and pee.
The Zicklers are sticklers
for conformity.
The Mounces eat rayguns,
the Olaffs smoke brie,
Where did they all come from?
Beats the crap out of me.

I once wed a Shloopa
'neath the Caspian moon,
He wooed me with riddles
and Caspian tunes,
His body was tattooed with Caspian runes,
He would have been perfect, 'cept he came too soon.

An Arkk in the dark is a dangerous thing,
And you would just melt to hear a Velt sing,
Leave the phone alone, should a Krooka-crap ring,
Or you might soon find your own butt in a sling.

These things I tell you, not to be bossy,
But rather to guide you like Velma Van Vossy,
Betwixt creatures who's features are subtle and strange,
A tour through the sewer, your mind it may change.

A Ming is a thing who's mind is quite blank
A Frink likes to think, and it smells like a tank
A Broward's a coward, if I must be frank
But if you don't want trouble: address it by rank.

"But this is all make-believe!" I hear you protest
as you creep over a Rooka-loop nest
Though you are doubtful, I heed you: be wary
The ones that bite are all imaginary.


Quote of the Day
“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our capacity for customer service. Yes I'll hold.”

-Elvin Einschwartz
Fortune 500 Cookie
You will find Love in a new job this week. Unfortunately it's Courtney Love, and she's your second-shift supervisor. Cheer up, it's not that nobody cares about you; it's just that nobody's willing to admit to it. Everyone's right: Your irrational hatred of the Chinese is starting to hurt your chopstick business. This week's lucky stars: Sirius, Orion, Omega 13, Pauley Shore.


Try again later.
5 Spin-Offs That Died in Production
1.Star Trek: Klingon Roommate
2.Law & Order/C.S.I.: Shitloads of Corpses
3.Enemies of Friends
4.King of Queens' Fat Neighbor
5.Wheel of Fortune: Vowels Only
Archives
Midnight Snack
All the summer dumplings want to eat me alive, I get a hostile greeting even before I arrive! Oh me oh my, I've pissed off the pie! What an unfortunate fate! Why'd I have to delve into the custard so late? Now my gentle dreamland has been... (4/15/02)

Naomi, I Moan
A slut nixes sex in Tulsa -- "Sex at noon taxes." Evil I did dwell, lewd did I live, Pull up if I pull up! Dammit, I'm mad! Dennis and Edna sinned! Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era? Don't nod, Go hang a salami, I'm a... (4/1/02)

Bummer
Silent ducks are deafening Kansas in the crapper Can you burn an effigy While plugging in the clapper? Loneliness is like a shoe Or maybe like a beaver Kind of wish that waitress chick Had chose me over Stever. People stand and look at... (3/18/02)

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