The Rickles

by Violet Tiara

April 29, 2002

The Rickles like tickles
and pickles and pee.
The Zicklers are sticklers
for conformity.
The Mounces eat rayguns,
the Olaffs smoke brie,
Where did they all come from?
Beats the crap out of me.

I once wed a Shloopa
'neath the Caspian moon,
He wooed me with riddles
and Caspian tunes,
His body was tattooed with Caspian runes,
He would have been perfect, 'cept he came too soon.

An Arkk in the dark is a dangerous thing,
And you would just melt to hear a Velt sing,
Leave the phone alone, should a Krooka-crap ring,
Or you might soon find your own butt in a sling.

These things I tell you, not to be bossy,
But rather to guide you like Velma Van Vossy,
Betwixt creatures who's features are subtle and strange,
A tour through the sewer, your mind it may change.

A Ming is a thing who's mind is quite blank
A Frink likes to think, and it smells like a tank
A Broward's a coward, if I must be frank
But if you don't want trouble: address it by rank.

"But this is all make-believe!" I hear you protest
as you creep over a Rooka-loop nest
Though you are doubtful, I heed you: be wary
The ones that bite are all imaginary.

Quote of the Day

“Sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much. Okay, you want the truth? It's not the honesty. It's that really rough patch of skin you have. Have you ever been to a doctor for shingles?”

-Hildy Daniels

Fortune 500 Cookie

This Bud's for you; at least, that's what I'm telling the cops if they pull us over. You'll be horrified to learn that woman you've been ogling in that "Physical" video for years is mom. White man finally break treaty again, just like you been expecting all these years. Take the Rockford Files theme off your answering machine already, the joke was old in 1994.

Try again later.

Best John Travolta Comeback Films

1.	Pulp Fiction (1994)
2.	Look Who's Talking (1989)
3.	Blow Out (1981)
4.	Staying Alive (1983)
5.	Welcome Back, Sweat Hogs (2003)

Midnight Snack
All the summer dumplings want to eat me alive, I get a hostile greeting even before I arrive! Oh me oh my, I've pissed off the pie! What an unfortunate fate! Why'd I have to delve into the custard so late? Now my gentle dreamland has been... (4/15/02)

Naomi, I Moan
A slut nixes sex in Tulsa -- "Sex at noon taxes." Evil I did dwell, lewd did I live, Pull up if I pull up! Dammit, I'm mad! Dennis and Edna sinned! Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era? Don't nod, Go hang a salami, I'm a... (4/1/02)

Bummer
Silent ducks are deafening Kansas in the crapper Can you burn an effigy While plugging in the clapper? Loneliness is like a shoe Or maybe like a beaver Kind of wish that waitress chick Had chose me over Stever. People stand and look at... (3/18/02)