Just the Fags, Ma'am

April 15, 2002

Stop! Collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new edition.

That's what I hear anyway. I wonder what it could be about? Hopefully it's more fun than that lame one where he says he's got phatter rhymes than the New York Times. Sheesh. Everybody knows it's the New York POST that's dope on a rope. Freakin' amateurs.

Anybody seen the new Daewoo sedan? Talk about the sweetest thing since eight pounds of cotton candy stuffed up the Qwik bunny's ass. Damn.

Woah, almost freaked out there. I had this dream the other day that I got caught wearing a pink hat in North Korea, and it wasn't pretty. The situation, that is, the hat itself was actually pretty nice. But I just saw some guy wearing a pink hat outside and I thought for a second I was going to get caned. Wsheeeew.

That's the sound owls make when they whisper. It means "Pssst. I just coughed up an owl pellet into your gas tank. Have a nice day."

Going out tonight, I'm assuming m'lady is ready for an evening of dinner and dancing. Have you ever met m'lady? Four foot tall Malaysian guy, goddamn if that midget can't dance. He knows twelve different steps named after neurological disorders alone.

Oh, speaking of dancing, I have a wedding to go to this weekend! I wonder what kind of music they'll play, if I should dress for the Fox-trot or the Lambada? I have some breakaway pants I've really been dying to try out. I hope they play Thriller. Does it count as "dancing" if I just do "the worm" the whole time I'm there? "Hey, dude! Can you worm on over there and get me a slice of cake?" "Right on! -wormwormwormworm-". This is going to be great, I've never been to a breakdancing wedding before. "I now pronounce you... Breakin' Ill to the Max! You may Electric Boogaloo! -priest does 'the windmill' as a circle forms around the altar-". I can't wait.

I'm sure you understand that with all of this excitement abounding, it's practically mandated that I get my glory sleep.

Wake me when the trumpets start.

Quote of the Day

“We'll meet again. You might say that's impossible, since people can only meet once, but they haven't factored in my patented time machine and early-onset Alzheimer's.”

-Capt. Don Spacegain, Year 3054

Fortune 500 Cookie

Now's the perfect time to launch your alternative news website. Thursday's haul proves your friend's theory that the Halloween is really the only lucrative time for trick-or-treating. For your information, he's going to shoot his old woman down 'cause he caught her messing 'round with some other man; you don't need to know everything. Lucky son of a bitch.

Try again later.

Top commune New Year's Resolutions

1.	Breakfast with Bagel
2.	Boris. Proper English. 'Nuff Said.
3.	Convince Ramrod Hurley that picture of Nelson Rockefeller has no religious significance
4.	One news story with a verified fact in it
5.	Finally finish off Ivan Nacutchacokov

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