Naomi, I Moan

by Ray Manatino

April 1, 2002

A slut nixes sex in Tulsa --
"Sex at noon taxes."
Evil I did dwell, lewd did I live,
Pull up if I pull up!
Dammit, I'm mad!
Dennis and Edna sinned!
Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?
Don't nod,
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.

Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver --
Lived on Decaf, faced no Devil --
Murder for a jar of red rum.
Red rum, sir, is murder!
I'm, alas, a salamiâ€¦
Drab as a fool, aloof as a bardâ€¦
Do geese see god?
We panic in a pew.

Niagara, O roar again.

Dammit, I'm mad!

"Naomi," I moan...

Quote of the Day

“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. The second to last refuge of the scoundrel is a cave in the Ozarks. Third to last? Under the bed in a four-star hotel in Paris. Fourth? Puns. Puns are the fourth-to-last refuge of the scoundrel.”

-Johnuel Samson

Fortune 500 Cookie

Whoever cut your jib, they fucked it all up, dude. Try wearing more spandex this week, your current quantities aren't providing sufficient coverage. Remember: an ounce of prevention is worth an inch of milk-fed veal. This week's lucky pizza restaurant mascots: The Noidette, Little Greaser, Humpy the Pizza Camel, "Cheese Dick" Richard Romano, Lumpy-Thighed Sex Goddess Valotta Ricotta.

Try again later.

Top Overzealous Reagan-Tribute Headlines

1.	Reagan Great, As Far As We Can Remember
2.	Former President Freed Slaves, Banished All Injustice Forever
3.	"Honest Ron" Beloved by Homos, Hobos & Commies
4.	Ray Charles Loses Will to Live after Reagan's Passing
5.	Reagan Ended WWI during 8th Birthday Party

Bummer
Silent ducks are deafening Kansas in the crapper Can you burn an effigy While plugging in the clapper? Loneliness is like a shoe Or maybe like a beaver Kind of wish that waitress chick Had chose me over Stever. People stand and look at... (3/18/02)

Have You Ever Loved?
Have you ever loved like the whistling wind of a barn swallow's nostril-hole? Have you ever lived like a merchant prince on quiche and curry dumplings? I think not. Have you ever stared into the face of time like a fearless mutant... (3/4/02)

Elephant Wings
An elephant is a beast With tiny wings, to say the least. By tiny wings, I mean so small Some would say elephants have none at all. Nor would they claim that it's mouth hangs All menacing with silver fangs. And few would say That... (2/18/02)