Naomi, I Moan

by Ray Manatino

April 1, 2002

A slut nixes sex in Tulsa --
"Sex at noon taxes."
Evil I did dwell, lewd did I live,
Pull up if I pull up!
Dammit, I'm mad!
Dennis and Edna sinned!
Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?
Don't nod,
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.

Reviled did I live, said I, as evil I did deliver --
Lived on Decaf, faced no Devil --
Murder for a jar of red rum.
Red rum, sir, is murder!
I'm, alas, a salamiâ€¦
Drab as a fool, aloof as a bardâ€¦
Do geese see god?
We panic in a pew.

Niagara, O roar again.

Dammit, I'm mad!

"Naomi," I moan...

Quote of the Day

“If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be Microsoft's new Futuretron 3000 Duck Simulator. That's almost a duck!”

-Rodney Cheesesteak

Fortune 500 Cookie

When kicking out at opponents this week, aim for the nutsâ€”always a good strategy. It's time to let that baby shark go home to its mama; it's been two years and you've got to take a bath sometime. Look forward this week to a final showdown with your mortal nemesis, Weezer. But watch out for the Rentals to intervene.

Try again later.

Least Heard Mobster Euphemisms for Murder

1.	Treat this guy to a steel sundae
2.	Make his shoes a lot heavier, more sinkable
3.	Invalidate his parking
4.	Go apeshit on this fuck
5.	Fill him full of holes like a Dade County ballot (2000 only)

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Have You Ever Loved?
Have you ever loved like the whistling wind of a barn swallow's nostril-hole? Have you ever lived like a merchant prince on quiche and curry dumplings? I think not. Have you ever stared into the face of time like a fearless mutant... (3/4/02)

Elephant Wings
An elephant is a beast With tiny wings, to say the least. By tiny wings, I mean so small Some would say elephants have none at all. Nor would they claim that it's mouth hangs All menacing with silver fangs. And few would say That... (2/18/02)