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07/7/25   
Sharks with wheels, baby.

Bummer

by Paul Renaldo
bio/email
March 18, 2002
Silent ducks are deafening
Kansas in the crapper
Can you burn an effigy
While plugging in the clapper?

Loneliness is like a shoe
Or maybe like a beaver
Kind of wish that waitress chick
Had chose me over Stever.

People stand and look at me,
Their eye-holes full of eyes
Maybe they're the ones like beavers
Digging for a prize.

Emptiness is like a boat
Full of lots of nothing
Go ahead and check one out
If you think I'm bluffing.

Or maybe more like a parking lot
That's got no trucks or cars.
Just shoes and a couple of lonely beavers
Playing electric guitars.

Tumbleweeds are full of bees
My head is full of hair roots
My heart is like the lonely hunter
That the black bear shoots.

Listen, sometimes it's hard to tell
What exactly is like a beaver
But that waitress was hot as hell
Hey man, Fuck you Stever.


Milestones
1999: Raoul Dunkin's first play, The Touch of Love, is put on in the commune break room by giggling staff reporters who find it unguarded in Dunkin's desk.
Now Hiring
Park Ranger. Duties include curtailing activities of bears, from large-haired picnic-basket stealing fun-lovin' bears to savage, towering vicious grizzly bears. Encountering bears is unlikely within the office, but your presence should finally shut up bear-phobic Ivana Folger-Balzac.
Top 5 Concessions to Iran for Freeing British Prisoners
1.Give Iranian cricket team real shot at the World Cup
2.Current prisoners traded for Ian MacKellen, who can hopefully deliver more convincing confession
3.Just one more season of Ricky Gervais' The Office
4.Three words: Spandau Ballet Reunion
5.Stab at pissing off the second-largest military force in the West before taking on the biggest not as successful as expected
Archives
Have You Ever Loved?
Have you ever loved like the whistling wind of a barn swallow's nostril-hole? Have you ever lived like a merchant prince on quiche and curry dumplings? I think not. Have you ever stared into the face of time like a fearless mutant... (3/4/02)

Elephant Wings
An elephant is a beast With tiny wings, to say the least. By tiny wings, I mean so small Some would say elephants have none at all. Nor would they claim that it's mouth hangs All menacing with silver fangs. And few would say That... (2/18/02)

The Land and the Sea
The land is in love with the sea, you see? And drinks it in nightly and day (time). When the land it breathes in, The ocean runs to him, And when he exhales The sea runs away. His doctor says "Ocean! You stop this at once! Your sodium... (2/4/02)

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