Elephant Wings

by Dr. Malcolm Zooter

February 18, 2002

An elephant is a beast
With tiny wings, to say the least.
By tiny wings, I mean so small
Some would say
elephants have none at all.
Nor would they claim
that it's mouth hangs
All menacing with silver fangs.
And few would say
That elephants float.
And some would claim
It's 'cause they don't.

But who can know an elephant,
All mysterious and stealthy?
And who's to say they don't have thumbs,
Were you to find one healthy?

I've heard it said
In whispered tones
That elephants don't have hollow bones.
What arrogance! What if we found
The hollow ones live underground?
Or that their bones are filled with mice
That when they die turn white and nice?

Wouldn't you feel like an ass
If we found elephants were made of glass?
Or that they sound like whales
When given to sing?
Still think you know everything?

What if their trunk, thought just a tooter,
Was found to be a supercomputer?
Or that they live in cities and drive big cars,
And the elephants have been to Mars,
When they colonized all of deep space.
How do you like the egg on your face?

Sunny side-up or over easy?

Quote of the Day

“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that's completely impossible by the laws of physics and laughable to every sane person.”

-Mark Twaint

Fortune 500 Cookie

This is the week you finally snap. All those years spent strengthening your middle finger and thumb are really going to pay off big-time, playa. Try keeping your dehydrated mashed potato flakes and your dandruff collection in different-colored boxes this week, just in case that last date ever comes back. Oh, that autobiography you wrote in l33t? Yeah dude, nobody can read that shit. This week's lucky porn cameos: Jenna Jameson in the pilot of that awesome new Hoarders spin-off, Whoreders, Big Bird in Larry Bird: Big Bird, The Ghost of John Holmes in everything else you watch because you burnt that shit into your plasma, dumbass, and â€¦wait, Ron Jeremy in your wedding video? WTF?

Try again later.

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3.	Taco: B-Sides and Rarities
4.	Uncle Dave's Most Racist BBQ Stories
5.	Elvis Chews!

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