Elephant Wings

by Dr. Malcolm Zooter

February 18, 2002

An elephant is a beast
With tiny wings, to say the least.
By tiny wings, I mean so small
Some would say
elephants have none at all.
Nor would they claim
that it's mouth hangs
All menacing with silver fangs.
And few would say
That elephants float.
And some would claim
It's 'cause they don't.

But who can know an elephant,
All mysterious and stealthy?
And who's to say they don't have thumbs,
Were you to find one healthy?

I've heard it said
In whispered tones
That elephants don't have hollow bones.
What arrogance! What if we found
The hollow ones live underground?
Or that their bones are filled with mice
That when they die turn white and nice?

Wouldn't you feel like an ass
If we found elephants were made of glass?
Or that they sound like whales
When given to sing?
Still think you know everything?

What if their trunk, thought just a tooter,
Was found to be a supercomputer?
Or that they live in cities and drive big cars,
And the elephants have been to Mars,
When they colonized all of deep space.
How do you like the egg on your face?

Sunny side-up or over easy?

Quote of the Day

“Discretion is the better of valor, and the first thirty minutes of Saving Private Ryan much better than any of the rest of it.”

-Crazy Eddie Shakespeare

Fortune 500 Cookie

It's time you leave your job, 'cause they're going to fire you tomorrow. If you're ever cornered by a bear, hang your lunch in the tree and pretend you have Tourette's. She sells seashells by the sea shore, which is an incredibly bad market to unload those things. Duck, duckâ€”goose. Lucky numbers all negative.

Try again later.

Worst Country Songs Ever

1.	She Left Me for an African-American
2.	I Don't Feel Like Drinkin'
3.	Here's a Quarter, Go Buy Some Bubblegum
4.	What's the Capital of Tennessee Again?
5.	If Anyone Needs Me, I'll be Down at the Nail Salon
6.	Regretfulness is the Hardest Word to Spell
7.	Mama Didn't Raise No Episcopalians
8.	I'm So Lonesome I Could Call an Escort Service
9.	I Got This Hat on Sale
10.	You Mispronounced My Name for the Very Last Time

The Land and the Sea
The land is in love with the sea, you see? And drinks it in nightly and day (time). When the land it breathes in, The ocean runs to him, And when he exhales The sea runs away. His doctor says "Ocean! You stop this at once! Your sodium... (2/4/02)

When I Was Nine
When I was nine I had a very fine time and a very fine time had me. I bothered no one as I high-fived the sun and I slept in a mulberry tree. When I was eight I went on a date with the moon and the stars and the Venus. We went out... (1/21/02)

Dreamin' in Dreamland
I'm dreamin' a dream of a dream I once had about a dream that I had once before The one where the fish flip and follow each other diving deep in the dark down below The one where I'm swimming safe and secure sailing a salt-silent sea ... (1/7/02)