The Golden Potion

February 18, 2002

nce upon a time
Or so goes the line
I heard tell a notion
Of a gold magic potion
Its power mysterious,
A bouquet quite delirious
It filled all who drink
With the charm of a king
The strength of ten oxen
For lifting or boxing,
The smell of a flower
And ten times the power,
Eyes that would dazzle
And a wit that would frazzle
The smartest of Greeks,
Send them crying for weeks.

It came in a vial
Gold like a sun's smile,
And gave off an odor
More than peculiar
And all who came near
Fled quickly in fear
And assumed without stirring
The vial contained urine

One day was a man
Who wandered this land
With no sense of smell
And then no way to tell
What lurked in the beaker
That lay near his sneakers
Despite better judgment,
He drank deeply of it,
And found all the gifts
From the previous list
Bestowed upon him
Much to his chagrin

Yet no one believed
And quickly took leave
Despite all his pleas
They said he drank pee

Milestones

1982: Rok Finger's scheduled sex change operation is cancelled when he's told the technology does not yet exist to change your sex from "Bone Dry in Death Valley" to "Gettin' Some."

Now Hiring

Goofus. Extreme cosmic fuck-up needed to offset commune staff as a whole boatload of Gallants. Pratfalls a plus. Strike that: Apparently we already filled this position with some Pludd guy months ago. Thought he was just an office in-joke, sorry.

Least Successful David Bowie Incarnations

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2.	Lithe, Quirky, Effeminate Heterosexual
3.	Gold-Suited Game Show Host Mutt Smalley
4.	Evil Twin Brother Donald Bowie
5.	Lou Bega

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