You need a newer browser.

05/13/26   
Not really trying since 2001

The Golden Potion

bio/email
February 18, 2002


nce upon a time
Or so goes the line
I heard tell a notion
Of a gold magic potion
Its power mysterious,
A bouquet quite delirious
It filled all who drink
With the charm of a king
The strength of ten oxen
For lifting or boxing,
The smell of a flower
And ten times the power,
Eyes that would dazzle
And a wit that would frazzle
The smartest of Greeks,
Send them crying for weeks.

It came in a vial
Gold like a sun's smile,
And gave off an odor
More than peculiar
And all who came near
Fled quickly in fear
And assumed without stirring
The vial contained urine

One day was a man
Who wandered this land
With no sense of smell
And then no way to tell
What lurked in the beaker
That lay near his sneakers
Despite better judgment,
He drank deeply of it,
And found all the gifts
From the previous list
Bestowed upon him
Much to his chagrin

Yet no one believed
And quickly took leave
Despite all his pleas
They said he drank pee



Quote of the Day
“The day destroys the night, the night divides the day, carry the four, times the weekend, round up from seven, and: Presto! 14. Not sure what that means, I'll get back to you next album.”

-Gin Orbison
Fortune 500 Cookie
Monkeys and live electrical wire are a bad combo for you this week. Try combing your hair with a rake—hey, maybe those jokers were right. You will quit smoking this week, and upgrade to the syringe. Don't take any shit from the crippled, elderly, or the extremely weak: pretty much anybody you can get your girlfriend to beat up. This week's lucky burritos: Refried Revenge, Chock-Full- O-Olives, The Grand Mal, Nuthin-But-Sour- Cream, El Sleeping Bag, Someone Beaned My Ass Tonight.


Try again later.
Top Freak Dancing Steps
1.The Funky Jock
2.Running Teenage Father
3.Shotgun Wedding
4.The Discarded Fetus
5.The Shut Up This Is Just How I Dance
Archives
The Man in the Baloney Suit
There once was a man in a baloney suit, Who danced on the street corner all day. He'd dance a jig when the mood struck him And then repeat it without much delay. Oh what a sight, with all his might He'd spring and he'd spritz all... (1/21/02)

Rosey Red-Ass
Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Winter, a magical donkey got a magical splinter. A magical kangaroo rat pulled it from his magical toe, all in a magical way now, don'tcha know. The magical donkey heaved a magical sigh, until a... (1/7/02)

The Boy Who Could Not Smell
Once upon a time there was an ecstatically happy couple named Bitrate and Sorma, who lived in the town of Ringbear near Norma. The town made a sound like a hub cap going round and round a banister not far from the stairs. Everyone who lived there... (11/26/01)

more