The Land and the Sea

by Ulysses P. Crackbutter

February 4, 2002

The land is in love
with the sea, you see?
And drinks it in
nightly and day (time).
When the land it breathes in,
The ocean runs to him,
And when he exhales
The sea runs away.
His doctor says "Ocean!
You stop this at once!
Your sodium intake is absurd!
Have you tried switching to rainwater once,
Mixed with the occasional bird?
Be sensible man, you can't keep this up!
Your blood pressure levels are frightening!
If you don't quit, your lava will spurt,
And your heart will be attacked by lightning!"

The land, he tried to heed the advice,
And all of low tide he was good.
But when the tide came up later that day
He drank in much more than he should.
His doctor was miffed, he puffed and he whiffed,
But the courtship was just meant to be.
And when he went out on his yacht that same day
That same doctor drown in the sea.
And the land's still in love with the sea, you see?
Now this story is not only mine
And furthermore, I wouldn't mess with the sea...
Unless you want lungs full of brine!

Quote of the Day

“Yes, madam, I may be drunk, but you are ugly and in the morning I shall still be drunk! Wait a minuteâ€¦ Okay, I've got a match for you: your butt and my face. TouchÃ©.”

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Happiness is indeed a warm gun, but you're not supposed to warm it in your ass like that. If your life is lacking direction this week, we've got one word for you: North. As you have long suspected, recreational drugs are the answer. This week's lucky charms: taupe meatballs, turquoise speculums, puce gallstones, gold bullets.

Try again later.

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