The Land and the Sea

by Ulysses P. Crackbutter

February 4, 2002

The land is in love
with the sea, you see?
And drinks it in
nightly and day (time).
When the land it breathes in,
The ocean runs to him,
And when he exhales
The sea runs away.
His doctor says "Ocean!
You stop this at once!
Your sodium intake is absurd!
Have you tried switching to rainwater once,
Mixed with the occasional bird?
Be sensible man, you can't keep this up!
Your blood pressure levels are frightening!
If you don't quit, your lava will spurt,
And your heart will be attacked by lightning!"

The land, he tried to heed the advice,
And all of low tide he was good.
But when the tide came up later that day
He drank in much more than he should.
His doctor was miffed, he puffed and he whiffed,
But the courtship was just meant to be.
And when he went out on his yacht that same day
That same doctor drown in the sea.
And the land's still in love with the sea, you see?
Now this story is not only mine
And furthermore, I wouldn't mess with the sea...
Unless you want lungs full of brine!

Quote of the Day

“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. The second to last refuge of the scoundrel is a cave in the Ozarks. Third to last? Under the bed in a four-star hotel in Paris. Fourth? Puns. Puns are the fourth-to-last refuge of the scoundrel.”

-Johnuel Samson

Fortune 500 Cookie

Whoever cut your jib, they fucked it all up, dude. Try wearing more spandex this week, your current quantities aren't providing sufficient coverage. Remember: an ounce of prevention is worth an inch of milk-fed veal. This week's lucky pizza restaurant mascots: The Noidette, Little Greaser, Humpy the Pizza Camel, "Cheese Dick" Richard Romano, Lumpy-Thighed Sex Goddess Valotta Ricotta.

Try again later.

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4.	Make Affleck and J-Lo realize they're still in love
5.	Sterilize all Bush males

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