05/9/26
Sure as shit, but smelling sweeter
|  The Land and the Seaby Ulysses P. Crackbutter   February 4, 2002 The land is in love
with the sea, you see? And drinks it in nightly and day (time). When the land it breathes in, The ocean runs to him, And when he exhales The sea runs away. His doctor says "Ocean! You stop this at once! Your sodium intake is absurd! Have you tried switching to rainwater once, Mixed with the occasional bird? Be sensible man, you can't keep this up! Your blood pressure levels are frightening! If you don't quit, your lava will spurt, And your heart will be attacked by lightning!" The land, he tried to heed the advice, And all of low tide he was good. But when the tide came up later that day He drank in much more than he should. His doctor was miffed, he puffed and he whiffed, But the courtship was just meant to be. And when he went out on his yacht that same day That same doctor drown in the sea. And the land's still in love with the sea, you see? Now this story is not only mine And furthermore, I wouldn't mess with the sea... Unless you want lungs full of brine! Milestones1990: Red Bagel's dark vision of the future presented in lecture form at a local college predicts a war in Iraq, though he incorrectly predicts the date as 2002. Unless… well, we'll wait and see, won't we?Now HiringBartender. Mix all variety of drinks, serve beers with a quick smile and friendly expression. Listening a must, flipping bottles and spinning like in Cocktail a plus. Must know when to cut off Ramrod Hurley—immediately—and when to cut off Red Bagel—never, if you like your job.Top More Things to Do With a Severed Finger
 When I Was Nine When I was nine I had a very fine time and a very fine time had me. I bothered no one as I high-fived the sun and I slept in a mulberry tree. When I was eight I went on a date with the moon and the stars and the Venus. We went out... (1/21/02) Dreamin' in Dreamland I'm dreamin' a dream of a dream I once had about a dream that I had once before The one where the fish flip and follow each other diving deep in the dark down below The one where I'm swimming safe and secure sailing a salt-silent sea ... (1/7/02) Sunflake Oh, to be a phantom sunflake resting on the bile. A single, golden, shining sunflake, gurgling in the Nile. An elf's aorta, a unicorn's anus— none could be as sweet. As to be a lonely sunflake munching on a leek. Rainbows tease me, ogres please... (12/24/01)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.