![]() When I Was Nineby Violet Tiara ![]() ![]() January 21, 2002 When I was nine
I had a very fine time and a very fine time had me. I bothered no one as I high-fived the sun and I slept in a mulberry tree. When I was eight I went on a date with the moon and the stars and the Venus. We went out to eat and the moon treated me sweet until I refused to touch his thingy. When I was seven and the night was eleven we went on a cruise to Aruba. I wanted to dance but he shucked off his pants as he nakedly played on his tuba. When I was six I picked up some tricks from hanging with Leo and Cancer. Cancer liked to gab, but Leo ate the crab. I asked why and he burped up an answer. When I was five I felt most alive and went over the falls in a barrel. It wasn't a dare that had placed me there, but I had misplaced my apparel. When I was four life was mostly a bore and I spent my time chatting with flowers. Mom thought it quaint but dad said it ain't and he made me drink four whiskey sours. When I was three I was in love with the sea and was loved by the sea and the land. But by three and a half, I had switched to decaf and dropped the ocean for a competing brand. When I was two I had nothing to do and things had nothing to do with me. But at two and a half, while seeking a laugh, the ice monkeys taught me to ski. When I was one, I got nothing done. I did not a single damned thing. I sat on my ass, chewing dirt clods and grass. What did you do when you were one? Write a goddamned book? Quote of the Day“When you wish upon a star… doesn't that burn like a motherfucker? Those things are basically like other suns. Me, I do all my wishing on the floor of my bedroom.”-"Cricket-Bat" Nigel Jiminy Fortune 500 CookieYour future lies in Clearasil, now and forever. Having Carrot Top fill in for you at the anchor desk Tuesday might just end your career. Why is more than one sheep still called sheep? And why are they so damned affectionate? You're going to regret correcting Randy Savage's grammar before the week is done. Saturday: Fish or die.Try again later. Top 5 commune Features This Week
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