Sunflake

by Violet Tiara

December 24, 2001

Oh, to be a phantom sunflake
resting on the bile.
A single, golden, shining sunflake,
gurgling in the Nile.
An elf's aorta, a unicorn's anusâ€”
none could be as sweet.
As to be a lonely sunflake
munching on a leek.

Rainbows tease me,
ogres please me,
dragons wax my car.
But to be a perfect sunflake
would take the cake by far.

When the grass is green
like acid-washed jeans
and the faeries are screwing the birds,
there shines on the lovely sunflakeâ€¦
too heavenly for words.

I once caught a sparkling sunflake
in the palm of my hand.
It burned straight through like I was butterâ€¦
And now I can't play tennis.

Quote of the Day

“Upon being stopped by the Customs Officer during my trip to America, he asked: 'Have you anything to declare?' I burst forward, telling him, 'Only my genius!' I was promptly beaten to a piteous pulp and subjected to a humiliating search. Needless to say, they found my weed.”

-Wildman Oscar

Fortune 500 Cookie

Love is a relative term, but even that nugget won't save your ass if you pork your cousin. Stay away from salty snacks this week, even if it means tunneling underground. Try wearing your watch on the other armâ€”maybe that's your problem. This week's lucky names: Alexia. Ephyn. Scatman. Toolio.

Try again later.

Least Popular Benefit Concerts

1.	USA for Canada
2.	MegaDeth Relief Fund
3.	Concert Against Bangladesh
4.	Frat Aid
5.	The More Tolerance for Fags Benefit

The Visitors
Snooty bugle-playing burglars Why do you bother me? Go to hell, you naked buglers Cease your melody. Who invited uncooked hamhocks All these pigs I see? Go away, freeloading pork pies Get out my Christmas tree. Get out Santa, get out Elvis Get out... (12/10/01)

Distraction
Fifteen phantom penpoints All under my control I move them deftly, swiftly smearing ink upon a single slice of paper. Sixteen sweatered titties Distracting me so simply from my fifteen phantom penpoints Nothing worthwhile written, once... (11/26/01)

Shuns
Who has been flushing your worldly possessions? Replacing your wardrobe with out-of-date fashions? Making your schnauzer do Nixon impressions? Squeezing your neighbors for seedy confessions? Coating your lips with pre-cancerious lesions? ... (11/12/01)