The Visitorsby Eli Snaubertzen ![]() December 10, 2001 Snooty bugle-playing burglarsWhy do you bother me? Go to hell, you naked buglers Cease your melody. Who invited uncooked hamhocks All these pigs I see? Go away, freeloading pork pies Get out my Christmas tree. Get out Santa, get out Elvis Get out Sandra Dee. I don't recall inviting anyone To share my ginger tea. Mister Walrus, Miss November Tell me did you see A sign hung from my door that said "Please come and bother me"? Were my windows not shut tightly? Did my door not lock? Was the hint too vague and subtle, When I threw that rock? Go on, get out! Every last shrew! Every last motorcycle cop! And I will surely lose my patience Unless those bongos stop! Clear out my house! Get out the door! Leave my city block! Don't come back here even if You forgot your sock! No more mastiffs, no more lawyers, No more mimes or cows No more microbes selling Amway Leave and I mean Now! What now? What's that? No, my pills ran out. Goodness, you're right, call the doctor! Thank you, Mr Trout. Quote of the Day“You can't tell me what to do. Unless I was already just about to do the thing you said. Then I'll do what you say, but not because you said to do it. Hold on; let me draw up a flow chart.”-Pistain Johnson Fortune 500 CookieIn retrospect, it was a mistake to name your jewelry store "Who Faahted?" Try learning a new song this week: Everybody's sick of the theme from Ice Pirates. You'll get lucky in the market this week: all your stocks will plummet, but you're going to get laid by a butcher. This week's lucky terms of endearment: Ninjatits, Daddy's Little Freebaser, Grape Ape, President Precious, Monsieur Brabuster.Try again later. Top Enduring 2004 Election Scandals
Distraction Fifteen phantom penpoints All under my control I move them deftly, swiftly smearing ink upon a single slice of paper. Sixteen sweatered titties Distracting me so simply from my fifteen phantom penpoints Nothing worthwhile written, once... (11/26/01) Shuns Who has been flushing your worldly possessions? Replacing your wardrobe with out-of-date fashions? Making your schnauzer do Nixon impressions? Squeezing your neighbors for seedy confessions? Coating your lips with pre-cancerious lesions? ... (11/12/01) The Waistland April be the month that's meaner Than a shot of carburetor cleaner Or an icy, uncooked wiener Said the raven: "Ned's a Whore". "Ain't my lookout," said the genie, in a voice so tiny, teeny Ned thought it a baby, beanie And burned down the... (10/29/01) |