Shuns

by E.L. Pout

November 12, 2001

Who has been flushing your worldly possessions?
Replacing your wardrobe with out-of-date fashions?
Making your schnauzer do Nixon impressions?
Squeezing your neighbors for seedy confessions?
Coating your lips with pre-cancerious lesions?
Showing you slides of infected abrasions?
Accusing your mother of being a Russian?
Filling your mind with intemperate passions?
Splitting your food into practical rations?
Loading your pickup with refugee Haitians?
Mocking your cock in some lewd animations?
Cutting your paycheck by raising inflation?
Wrecking your travel with tropical depressions?
Selling your free time as one-hour sessions?
Telling your family about past transgressions?
Tilling your tulips and planting impatiens?
Shipping your panties to greedy Alsatians?
Sorry, I'm busy with my own regressions.

Quote of the Day

“If you love someone, set them free. If they do not return, then you were stupid for following my advice.”

-Bachard Richman

Fortune 500 Cookie

Don't blame anyone else for your own problems, blame EVERYONE else. Try a new deodorant this week, your friends agree the theoretical kind hasn't been cutting it. You will meet a small armadillo that will teach you arithmetic, but few will buy that story at the trial. This week's lucky karate moves: The Iron Ostrich, Yun-Wi's Forceful Throat Massage, Western Ballsack Slap, and The Forbidden Tongue Stomp of Zi-Zi Tohp.

Try again later.

Top 5 commune Features This Week

1.	Shit for Brains: The United Negro College Fund's Worst Fundraiser Ever
2.	Classic Rock, or Beethoven's 10th Symphony, "Stairway to Heaven"
3.	Flattering "Big Dick" Bosco
4.	We Can Win a War on Terrorism and Other Favorite Folk Tales
5.	Butter or Margarine: America's Favorite Sweat Smell

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