The Crab

by E.L. Pout

October 15, 2001

"I'm only ingesting asbestos in jest,"
said the tapdancing monkey with blood on his vest;
I told him that I didn't think it was funny.
"Who says you know funny, you ignorant fuck?"
he said with a sneer, and I urged him to suck
my cock, because he's not getting my money.

At these words he paused, and dabbed at the blood
which flowed from his nose in an unfettered flood;
a honey bear filled up with blood, not with honey,
and the spout at his nose, not the crown of his head--
I couldn't believe that the guy wasn't dead.
Wait, was he a monkey or was he a bunny?

Quote of the Day

“Sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much. Okay, you want the truth? It's not the honesty. It's that really rough patch of skin you have. Have you ever been to a doctor for shingles?”

-Hildy Daniels

Fortune 500 Cookie

This Bud's for you; at least, that's what I'm telling the cops if they pull us over. You'll be horrified to learn that woman you've been ogling in that "Physical" video for years is mom. White man finally break treaty again, just like you been expecting all these years. Take the Rockford Files theme off your answering machine already, the joke was old in 1994.

Try again later.

Top 10 Deciding Issues for the Election

1.	Germany's been getting cocky lately
2.	Always vote for the guy who wins
3.	President should be able to take a punch
4.	Do I look fat in these jeans?
5.	Search Iraq for WMD, OMD, and REM

Victim
There's a gray hole in my - shall we call it a soul? Is that what it is? A soul? There's a gray hole in my soul where you ripped out my - shall we call it a heart? Do souls have hearts? There's a gray hole in my soul where you ripped out my... (10/1/01)

in DAD'S basement
at night A lone i watch HAPPY DAYS whilst sleeping lies dad turn it DOWN says dad and bangs upon the floor sometimes i wish i was the FONZ make believe dad was mr. C he would give fatherly advice instead of calling me shithead i would bring home... (9/17/01)

Hairy Walnuts
I fed my cat some hairy walnuts My poor kitty doesn't like hairy walnuts I forced the cat to eat those nuts and then I watched him puke them up He ran away when he was done and hasn't come back yet I don't think he ever will that stupid cat ... (7/16/01)