in DAD'S basement

by paul windeMere

September 17, 2001

at night
A lone
i watch
HAPPY DAYS
whilst sleeping
lies dad
turn it DOWN
says dad
and bangs upon
the floor

sometimes
i wish i
was the FONZ
make believe
dad was
mr. C
he would give
fatherly
advice
instead of
calling me
shithead

i would
bring home
CHICKS
with all their
teeth
and dad would
not fart
and laugh
ho ho ho ho

today
did you
look for
a job?
no, dad
no no no
i'm finding
myself
you will
find my foot
in your ass
find
a job

dad
get off
the phone
i'm talking
to MARVIN
dad
i can tell
you didn't
hang up
get off
the phone

dad
you asshole
i'm not on smack
or
the goofballs
quit going
in my room
i pay
no rent
except
my soul

Quote of the Day

“When you wish upon a starâ€¦ doesn't that burn like a motherfucker? Those things are basically like other suns. Me, I do all my wishing on the floor of my bedroom.”

-"Cricket-Bat" Nigel Jiminy

Fortune 500 Cookie

Your future lies in Clearasil, now and forever. Having Carrot Top fill in for you at the anchor desk Tuesday might just end your career. Why is more than one sheep still called sheep? And why are they so damned affectionate? You're going to regret correcting Randy Savage's grammar before the week is done. Saturday: Fish or die.

Try again later.

Top Pants-Missing Explanations

1.	Busted out Hulk-style
2.	Told one lie too many
3.	Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.	What, aren't you hot?
5.	Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.	Made ass look big
7.	Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.	Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.	Sat in ham
10.	You kidding? Pants are so 2002

Hairy Walnuts
I fed my cat some hairy walnuts My poor kitty doesn't like hairy walnuts I forced the cat to eat those nuts and then I watched him puke them up He ran away when he was done and hasn't come back yet I don't think he ever will that stupid cat ... (7/16/01)