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03/29/26   
Peace, love and a penis

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Quote of the Day
“I have not yet begun to fight! When I have begun, it will look quite different. Fists will be flying about, and you will hear a high-pitched whistling sort of sound that will actually be a scream. In fact—I'll make a little hand gesture to let you know. When you see that, that will let you know I'm fighting.”

-John Paul Jones Ringo
Fortune 500 Cookie
Love is a relative term, but even that nugget won't save your ass if you pork your cousin. Stay away from salty snacks this week, even if it means tunneling underground. Try wearing your watch on the other arm—maybe that's your problem. This week's lucky names: Alexia. Ephyn. Scatman. Toolio.


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Top 5 commune Features This Week
1.Saved By the Bell: Tragedy in America's High Schools
2.Politics and Strange Bedfellows: Who's Sleeping With Farm Animals on Capitol Hill
3.Uncle Macho's Fried-Right-the-First-Time Beans
4.Mark McGwire's All-Nude Review
5.Prince: The Exclusive Interview With the Famous Recluse We Couldn't Get