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02/28/26   
Just don't ask why

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Milestones
1812: Some kind of war of note happened, probably involving some big shot historical guys. People waved their dicks around and shouted, most likely.
Now Hiring
Bitchin' Ninja. Ass-kicking ninja needed for sword-swallowing, punching through solid rock, hiding underwater for days at a time, providing tactical superiority over other online news-magazines, cosmetics consultations, brick-laying, snowboarding out of airplanes, cooking delicious soufflés, cowering foes with a steely glare, and taxidermy. Mystical world-view a plus.
Top 5 Michael Jackson Trial Revelations
1.Sleeping with children in your bed only huge moral quaqmire—not illegal
2.Elephant Man bones were delicious
3."Thriller" song autobiographical
4.Body almost 78% artificial ingredients
5.Jackson himself a delusional product of being raised in the spotlight; middle name Joseph