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03/30/26   
Terrifyingly adequate

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Quote of the Day
“Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you're near? Bitch, you stink like birdseed.”

-DJ Qwik Bitz
Fortune 500 Cookie
This is really going to be your week: You will be held personally responsible for everything that happens on the world stage this week. Try bathing with Comet instead of soap for a change, trust us, it's just as good. Your lucky haircuts: Duck's Ass, Ant Hill, Elephant's Crotch, Bill the Cat, Baker's Dozen, Louisville Doosey, Bung Wipe.


Try again later.
Top Signs You May Be Obese
1.File footage of your last beach trip keeps turning up on evening news "Obesity in America" segments
2.Telemarketers disgusted by sounds of your constant eating
3.Farm animals instinctively panic in your presence
4.Buffet mysteriously closed no matter when you arrive
5.You stopped for a snack in the middle of reading this list