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03/7/26   
commune fever: die from it!

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Quote of the Day
“the commune is back? All right! Wait, what the fuck is the commune? What? Now I’m going to kick your ass for getting me excited for nothing.”

-Ron Tangley
Fortune 500 Cookie
This is the week everything changes for you. Yep, even those underwear. Go get a spatula. We all agree that your breasts are attractive, but usually a guy needs a follow-up act to really reel in the ladies. Try learning to play the lute this week, just carrying it around isn’t impressing anyone. This week’s lucky fuckers: Fucker G. Robinson (the world’s second-richest and seventh-most-unfortunately-named man), mother, Megan Fox’s boyfriend, and whoever’s sleeping with that hot girl on the Morton’s Salt container (oh get over it, she’s totally grown up by now).

Try again later.
Top Samuel Berger Excuses for Hiding Documents in Pants
1.Was hoping only hot babes had clearance to read pages.
2.In early stages of making a nest for baby starlings.
3.Not everybody can afford a snazzy briefcase, Rockefeller.
4.Trying to conceive children; needed to keep the boys warm.
5.Classify this, motherfucker.