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03/20/26   
Ugly like an Eskimo, but fun at parties

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Milestones
1858: 26th president and idol of Red Bagel Teddy Roosevelt is born, only a month before Bagel's birth. We know technically this is impossible, but we didn't get cushy date-checking jobs by questioning the big man.
Now Hiring
Bounced Czech. Resume and references not necessary, any Czechoslovakian expatriate thrown out of a club will do. True, we don't really have any job for such a person to occupy, but wouldn't it be funny to say we have a bounced Czech on staff? Think about it.
Top 5 commune Features This Week
1.Six College Courses for Retards and Sorority Girls
2.Tanks: Why Can't We Drive 'Em?
3.Uncle Macho's Pure Gristle Hamburgers
4.Music Piracy: Are You a Fucking Thief?
5.Critic's Corner: The Sailboat My Husband Painted