Milestones
1812: Some kind of war of note happened, probably involving some big shot historical guys. People waved their dicks around and shouted, most likely.Now Hiring
Bitchin' Ninja. Ass-kicking ninja needed for sword-swallowing, punching through solid rock, hiding underwater for days at a time, providing tactical superiority over other online news-magazines, cosmetics consultations, brick-laying, snowboarding out of airplanes, cooking delicious soufflés, cowering foes with a steely glare, and taxidermy. Mystical world-view a plus.Top Enduring 2004 Election Scandals
| 1. | Bush didn't really win; they forgot to count the comatose vote |
| 2. | Identical twins voted twice, ignoring "1 Face, 1 Vote" principle |
| 3. | Every 13th vote discarded as "unlucky" |
| 4. | Too many precincts used antiquated paper ballots |
| 5. | Too many precincts used newfangled electric voting machines |
| 6. | 10,000 Florida voters cast ballots for dead man: John Kerry |
| 7. | Too many military absentee ballots were marked for Bush: Now that's just stupid |
| 8. | No paper trail for southern state "applause-o-meter" polling technique |
| 9. | Oh sweet Jesus, Bush really won! |
| 10. | Eskimos kept away from polls by sheer geography |
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