Milestones
1994: Omar Bricks arrested after setting a statue of the Virgin Mary ablaze atop the Ferris wheel at the State Fair. Gets off on a technicality that goes down in legal history as the Proud Mary defenseNow Hiring
Flamenco Dancer. Leggy Latin beauty needed to, well, you know. And dance. Must be disease-free and light on the orthodontia. Garden hose-based qualifications a big plus. Mus- wait. Really? Then what the hell's flamenco?Women Other Than Christina Ricci We Want Chained to Our Radiator
| 1. | Original Wednesday Addams, Lisa Loring |
| 2. | Landlady—You spend the night there and tell me it's heating just fine |
| 3. | Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (still count as one) |
| 4. | Diana Rigg, circa 1968; or now, what the hell |
| 5. | Anybody but that hippie chick protesting for radiator rights I got now |
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