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02/21/26   
3 days since a work-related accident

         Archived Back Issues:



Milestones
1988: Future commune staff photographer Junior Bacon takes a photo that shocks the nation, until experts determine that the Sasquatch-looking thing in the picture is actually future commune editor Red Bagel.
Now Hiring
Experienced Spelunker. Needed to find a way into Ned Nedmiller's office and see if there's anyone still alive in there. Ability to speak Dutch a plus.
Top 5 Michael Jackson Trial Revelations
1.Sleeping with children in your bed only huge moral quaqmire—not illegal
2.Elephant Man bones were delicious
3."Thriller" song autobiographical
4.Body almost 78% artificial ingredients
5.Jackson himself a delusional product of being raised in the spotlight; middle name Joseph