Bill thought every square inch of his house was an opportunity to hang up some tools. He never married.

"I gotta admit Burt, you 'are' the man!" "Why thank you!" "Not every man can get fellatio from mother Teresa." "True."

"Nope. You're not quite finished cooking..."

You know you're too wealthy when you pee your name in the snow by way of dictation.

"I must admit Bill, blowing smoke envelopes with that cigarette is pretty impressive."

Jim was mortified when his copy of 'Jockstrapped' fell from out of the sofa cushions.

"Well, your references check out, just one last thing... should I hire this guy? *SHAKE* *SHAKE* 'Our sources say no.' Well, the Magic 8-Ball is in charge. Sorry."

" I think I used too much White-Out on my Etch-A-Sketch."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fart in your presence *fart*, oooo, I'm such a bad *fart* bad boy."

"This Looks Like a Job For Superman!" "What did you say Clark?" "Oops! I seem to have been in such a hurry I forgot something... excuse me a moment."

"Imagine if you will....taking some hashish.....growing smaaaaaallllllerrrrr....so smaaaaaaaaaaall..."

"Mommy? Why do puppy necks break so easily?"

"Just as I suspected! And with my best curtains too!" "Honey, I can explain!"

Next on The Adventures of Robbie The Chronically Masturbating Robot..."Does not compute *squirt squirt squirt* Need more input *rub rub rub*"

Are you SURE you're really a door-to-door gynocologist?

"Cover me! I'm going to school!"

Thankfully, yesterday's Martha Stewart program was all about corpse wrapping.

"I like cassarole. I wonder how many kinds I can think of? Um... tuna... um... cheese... um... tuna -no, I said that already. Um... spam..."

"I think she just wanted a nose job." "Are you sure? I could've sworn she said, 'Make me into a reptile you God of the medical profession.'" "Hmmm..."

"So what if your coat was one giant maze!? Mine is a big connect-the-dots!"

I DON'T GET IT!

"I wanna thank you for the chess set!" "Yes, but Grampa, where are all the other pieces?" "Best chocolate ever!" "They weren't chocolate." "Oh? Oh." *dies*

"This man needs milk, stat! Betty, if you will..."

Alison always got Boffo laughs when she replaced Jimmy's Ridalin with chocolate covered expresso beans.

Hmmm, I wonder how my nipples would look with bowties?

"Well Harvey... Reverend Maplethorpe seems quite impressed by your beatbox skills but it's time to let me bust some fly b-boy moves."

Joe's first and last performance as Hamlet on Broadway ended when he heard the Good Humor music...

David Lee Roth often pops into "Leave it to Beaver" to offer Ward helpful advice on raising the boys.

Oh my God! Chair porn!! This is disgusting!!!

"But first, we'll electrocute some mascara brushes!"

Goddammit dad, they're just Green Eggs and Ham! There *is* no deeper meaning, and it's not a conspiracy! I don't know why he made them green!