"Hey son..." "Dad! It's 3:37 in the morning!" "Son... help me start the leaf blower." "Not again Dad!" "But the leaves... they're invading!" "Go to bed!"

I DON'T GET IT!

"Dad, they've turned off the power." "Read." "It's been 12 years." "Read!" "I'm 18. I'm just not going to get it." "READ!" "<sigh> See Dick. See Jane..."

"HUZZAH!!! I am Frankenstein's Monster!! *bonk* Ouch, my toe! HUZZAH!!! I am The Deadly Toe Creature Of Mars!" "Dad?"

"Dammit! Can't you see I'm vacuuming! Go bother your mother, she's in the shuttle! Go!"

"Would you eat them on a boat? Would you eat them with a goat?" "Dad. You're scaring my date..."

"Dad, can I throw these cookies out now? They're getting kind of moldy and I don't think Santa..." "HE'S COMING, DAMMIT!" "Can we at least ditch the milk?"

"Talk you stupid yo-yo!" "Dad! It can't talk! Give me my yo-yo!" "Mine! Now talk! Tell me your name! Talk!"

"Is there something wrong dad? Something you should tell me?" "My fingers..." "Yeah." "They're plotting against me, gonna chop off the bastards!" "Again?"

"I'm Cleopatra! Queen of Queens!" "Dad, get down off the table!" "Hush boy, I have a kingdom to rule." "You're crazy." "Arrogance! Seize him!"

"Son, it's about time we told you about the birds and the beeswax slowly dripping onto a firm ass..." "Dad!" "Better to be safe than oily son."

"There! I'm invisible!" "But all you did was close your eyes. We can all see you." "Shut up! I'm invisible!" "Okay. Anyone for Uno?"

"Jack, we have to go now!" "But the ceiling fan... it begs me to jump up to him for a closer look..."

"It would be a vallant fight to the death, a joust of brave souls in the arena of mortal combat..." "HAROLD! Have you killed that spider yet?" "Time was short!"

"No really. I can levitate. Wait... brrrrrrzzzzz..." "Should I ask why you're making airplane noises?"

"I enjoy being a potted plant, mhmm, yes I do...FIGARO!" "Daddy?" "Bite your tongue Timmy, you're a bastard remember?" "WAAAAA!"