"Hey kiddies and welcome to Bondage Playhouse! I'll be your mistress, Samantha... oh oh YES have we got some great cartoons for you! But first, the clamps!"

Go forth my evil minions and let the world know Gary Oldman is your king!

"Come on out Susan. Don't be embaressed. She's shunned human contact ever since she was impaled on that end table..."

Peeping Cylon?!?

"Welcome to the NRA Restaurant. I'll be Charlton, your damn dirty waiter. Smoking or non-smoking?" *BOOM!* "I'm kidding. They're all smoking, of course..."

. . . these fifteen . . . oops . . . TEN! Ten commandments for all to . . . oops . . . FIVE! There's five of th . . . oops . . . um . . . I'll get back to you!

"Billy! You come inside right now!" "Aww mom, just let me finish the ritual sacrifice..." "Okay, but not a minute more!"

We've secretly replaced his regular mouthwash with Taco Bell ingredients! Let's watch!

"Do you see a bunch of rocks? Well NASA says- er- well, never mind..."

We now return to Ronald Reagen's neck, courtesy of TV From Hell.

"I don't think you're supposed to staple diapers on a baby." "Well, I hate those stupid sticky-tabs..."

"I can fly!" "That's your answer to everything, isn't it Peter? Well these bills aren't gonna fly away!"

Here we see the result of trying to catch a jelly bean with your mouth after it had been dropped from the Empire State Building.

"Nothing stimulates the scalp like rubbing your head with old brake pads."

No Steve, a stigmata goes on the other side.

You know you bought a lousy dowsing rod when... "You dumbass! That's FIRE!!"

I lost 23 pounds and 4 ounces on the Jenny Craig Black Market Baby Program!

"Well that's the last time I store the rat poison next to the powdered sugar."

"...call now and own your very own Marilyn Manson Athletic Supporter today! Self-tapping screws not included."