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C O L U M N S
Sampson L. Hartwig Remembers
In my childhood there was a penny-candy store on the corner, run by a rail-thin immigrant who was constantly in jail when the country was at war.
F E A T U R E S
Clarise Sickhead's Bedtime Stories For Children
Once upon a time, there lived a poor old cobbler who was very sad because he could have no children. He would wander up and down the road kicking puppies into the street gutter and praying to God to give him a child. Any child. Even someone else's child.
Entertainment Police
We're here once again to poke the bloated, gassy corpse of this week’s new releases with a stick to see if it makes any funny noises.
Fortune 500 Cookies
From mammoths to giant ground sloths, they buried caches of precious materials-- radiocarbon, obsidian, jasper, Idaho and Anthony T. Bouldurian, hundreds of miles from the Rosetta Stone.
the commune's Poetry Coroner
"I'm only ingesting asbestos in jest," said the tapdancing monkey with blood on his vest; I told him that I didn't think it was funny.
G A M E S
Let's Promote Raoul Dunkin!
If you have any more suggestions for promotional titles that might bring Raoul Dunkin back on board the commune, let us know!
the commune's Manifestos of Fun
A trail guide or street weirdo, whatever the hell he was, anyway this guy who kept reaching into his pants named Lansford Hastings had produced a leaflet claming he had found a car-cleaning place that didn't charge extra for getting fried cashews out of your upholstery.
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W a s h i n g t o n
Be On the Lookout for Possible Suspicious Suspects in Possibly Suspicious Hats
B e e z w a x
Bridget Jones Average Soars to 145 lbs
F a m i l y
Are Airbags Bad for Your Childrens' Teeth?
O v e r h e a r d
Hugh Grant Only Half Black
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U IGNORANT
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Handimaster 3000
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Now Playing at You're Shittin' Me Theater
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the commune's
Quote of the Day
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It's Here!
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