Blackout Blamed on
Failure of White Power
The Man loses control after overestimating power
WHIT PISTOL
Sight of an all-black New York City strikes fear into the hearts of peckerwoods.
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Racists and peckerwoods everywhere trembled as their vaunted white power fizzled out into nothingness Thursday, surprising only those blind to the inevitable fall of empires everywhere. The absurdly-called “blackout,” which started in the middle of the day during perfect daylight, plunged major northeastern urban areas into a state of non-electricity, which the white media presumably prefers to compare to “primitive” black culture with the derogatory “blackout” term.
The twin Northern American albino evils, the governments of the U.S. and Canada, both spent the day blaming each other for the power failure instead of spending their time fixing the power. The working classes and underprivileged were left in the dark Thursday night, with Friday night also no luckier in getting the power turned back on in some areas. White media was “delightfully surprised” that the non-white citizens left in the dark during the night didn’t spend all their time looting their own stores and robbing white people—you know, acting civilized. As you know, when non-whites rob white people, it’s anti-social crime; when whites rob everyone else, it’s called capitalism.
New York City mayor Whitey Whiteberg praised New Yorkers for helping each other out and not killing each other like savage animals, then went home to his out-of-state mansion or high-grade penthouse with the gasoline-powered generator or whatever digs he shammed the people out of. Meanwhile, underprivileged suffering classes in Detroit went home to unbearable heat without power Friday night. Areas of New York, Connecticut, and Ohio with their power restored were forced to refrain from air conditioning in the record heat wave.
Rumors abounded in the immediate wake of the power failures. Though the most likely source of the catastrophe is now pointing to three failed transmission lines that eventually took out the Niagara Mohawk power grid, probably stolen from early industrious Native Americans, alternative unfounded causes were spread through the Internet and urban legend grapevine. Some blamed the power outage on a threatening Internet worm that managed to topple all the nation’s power grids, the equivalent of blaming it on the Candyman. Most Americans were more anxious to blame it on the brown people of the Middle East, known as terrorists for not believing in the white man’s God.
President and ranking redneck George “Whitey” Bush promised the problem of the electrical outage would be investigated and, if possible, enslaved and oppressed. He went on to call the electrical power grid system “antiquated,” though how that makes it different from other revered elements of white culture wasn’t explained by the inferior president.
Professor of African-American Electrical Engineering and frequent drinking buddy of this reporter Muhammad Bari offered more realistic interpretations of the grid power failure.
“It’s clear the fatted citizens of Rome have trusted in their failing empire far too long,” said the six-time winner of home Jeopardy! “The sacred calf is ripe for slaughter, and the time for the reign of a noble citizenry is nearly upon us. Now, I’m not suggesting we go out and rip down Con Edison and the White House or anything, you know. I’m just saying, in the eyes of the great and worthy Allah, we as wage slaves built this city on rock and roll and it’s ours to do with as we please.”
The white president refused to comment on these perfectly legitimate questions, proving who he’s really serving.
the commune news wishes the entire Northeast the best in getting the power turned back on, especially for those of us who haven’t paid their bill in quite a few months. Shabozz Wertham is an occasional commune correspondent, like this one occasion.
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