Over 200 Heretics Arrested in New York City Protest
Big Apple plays host to crybaby war-hating hippies
WHIT PISTOL
Throngs of unbelievers harangue the city that never sleeps, with extremely wordy signs and bored expressions.
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Warring factions in the corporeal world clashed Thursday as police arrested 215 blasphemers expressing anti-American sentiments. More than 150 were hosting a “die-in” where they laid down in the street and did a poor impression of dead Iraqi civilians and U.S. troops, while the mathematical remainder of those 215 were melodramatically hosting a funeral procession. All of it was quite a disgusting site to those who like their country, as well as those who found their caricature of the dead highly offensive.
The incident was one of many that seemed to accelerate since the start of the war, the whateverth of March, 2003. Despite support of biblical proportions from the American public that accompanies the inception of every war, small cells of protestors have continued heresy in cities around the country. Over 200,000 deviants have been arrested everywhere from San Francisco to New York City, though primarily San Francisco, for their refusal to accept the edicts handed down by the administration.
“Protesting before the war was one thing. But now that it has started, it’s important to get behind our president and give up their own opinions for the sake of showing the world a unified front,” said this reporter. “Back in my day, it was more important to believe your president was doing the right thing than to risk possibly thinking he might not have a clue what he was doing.”
Across the country, other groups of pro-Bush protestors protested the protestors protesting the Iraq War. As obligatorily mentioned in every article on anti-war sentiment, protestors of administration actions have been met with equally vehement gatherings rallying to support U.S. involvement in Iraq.
“I just think that the president wouldn’t go to war if there wasn’t a good reason,” said stay-at-home mom twelve-year-old Becky Surrey of Burkutt, Missouri. “That’s the kind of thing Saddam Hussein would do. You’ve heard he gasses his own people, right?”
Demonstrators holding signs saying, “Iraq needs a regime change!” and “Support the troops!” as well as other Bush administration sound bytes, have turned out in, let’s just say, record numbers to counter the sacrilege.
“If they love Iraq so much, why don’t they move over there and live there and protest?” said Hoyt, Arizona truck loader Darryl Gavin. “Because they’d get killed there. They’re lucky to live in a country where they can say whatever they want. So they should shut-up and support the war like the rest of us.”
The White House, rather than allowing war efforts to be distracted with arguments, has wisely chosen to ignore protestors in the U.S. and the millions worldwide. Others, however, are quick to step up to the administration’s defense.
“The Bush administration has strong evidence Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, and it’s a shame that so many Americans are so mistrustful that they demand to see such evidence,” said White House publicist Fox News in a released statement. “Everyone is allowed the right to their opinion, but they’re wrong.”
“Independent” news agency CNN expressed a different view.
“The main thing the United States needs right now is a clear, objective report on the war’s impact, both here and abroad,” said a broad, some pretty anchor thing. “There are two sides to every story, and it’s CNN’s responsibility to report that. Are people still protesting the war because they’re radicals who hate everything the United States does, or are they simply uninformed? It’s important to maintain that balanced perspective.”
the commune news is never afraid to tackle an issue, but we would be afraid to tackle Emmitt Smith. Again. Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown has been dead longer than most of you have been alive, and assures us even reporting for the commune is more fun than facing that cold, numbing darkness again.
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