Kim Jong Il Claims U.S. Spy Plane Taking Nude Photos
North Korean leader accuses U.S. of provoking war, peeping
SNAPPER McGEE
South Korean protestors ridicule Kim Jong Il’s claim by posting only his head on their signs, to stress how little they want to see his body, even clothed.
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North Korean leader and Roy Orbison impersonator Kim Jong Il broke the crazy-o-meter this week with claims that U.S. spy planes were provoking war by taking photos of covert military operations and attempting to acquire nude pictures of him in the shower.
Kim Jong Il stated Wednesday that the United States was trying to “start a war” with the prolific spy plane invasions of airspace, and accused the U.S. of 180 such incidents last month. The ultimate insult, Jong Il reported in the official Rodong Sinmun newspaper, was that those spy planes were equipped with high-tech cameras able to peer into walls and photograph him naked. These naked pictures, Jong Il told the country, would be placed on websites to humiliate the North Korean leader and the country as a whole.
When asked for comment, White House spokesperson Ari Fleischer responded: “You want a comment? Come on, people. This is one of those rare instances where you can’t possibly expect me to put any spin on the situation. Kim Jong Il certainly has interesting ideas about what our technology is capable of. Just in case he’s monitoring our media sources, I will state for the record: This administration has no interest in seeing Mr. Jong Il naked. Under any circumstances, in any setting.”
Despite the White House’s claims, Kim Jong Il may be able to present proof of his accusations. A search of Google for “chubby Korean man nude shower” revealed quite a number of pictures, any of whom could have been Kim Jong Il.
According to Rodong Sinmun, the voice of the North Korean government, “Americans seek to shame the Korean people and its leader. To see people naked is the only American goal. Elaborate high-tech spy plane will attempt nude picture collection of the great Kim Jong Il, then post him for all to see on billboard Internet, to much laughter, shame, and masturbation. Once Americans feel superior all Koreans will be pictured naked on world wide webs.”
Consulted about the accusations, Pentagon officials unequivocally stated the charges were ludicrous.
“Trust me,” said Gen. Anvill Poke, “the technology to see people naked, especially through walls, is extremely far off in the future and not a focus of any of our weapons development plans. Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I’m even answering this—what kind of newspaper are you from again? Look, if we had the capability to see through walls and take pictures of people naked why would we go to North Korea? Personally, I’d find the address of that girl from J.A.G. and do a few hundred passes over that house.”
University of Tennessee Anthropology professor Kristin Blakebobber described the North Korean mentality: “These people are not all that different from us—they merely lack information about the world outside. To them, a very private and nationalistic people, this seems like a particularly egregious insult by the United States, if proven true. They already believe our country despises theirs for their way of life and would like to destroy them. Given their respect for concealing the body and modesty, Kim Jong Il is using a phobia and an existing mistrust to stir the anti-U.S. sentiment of his entire nation. If they believe his accusations, they will follow him in whatever stance he takes against the Western world.”
While it was very interesting information, Blakebobber was asked to leave the office and not barge in while the reporters are working; she was told she would be contacted by us when we wanted a quote, and left without incident.
the commune news has to shower in the locker room wearing underwear, and we have a doctor’s note to prove it. Raoul Dunkin fucked a pumpkin, now he jacks off o’ lanterns… all this according to the bathroom wall.
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