I'm not sure who to ask, but I had a question. When was the
commune founded?
Kenny Myson,
Boston, Massachusetts
Dear Kenny:
That's different for each person. Only you can say when you found it,
and new people are finding it all the time. By the way, the proper
word is "found."
Literacy programs to help adults improve their reading skills
are available all over the country. When you're not having fun at the
commune, try starting at www.adultliteracy.com.
And thanks for being a commune patron!
the commune
Dear commune:
I anticipated trouble answering my question, so I thought I'd re-phrase
it in a way that would be less easy to mis-interpret: What year was the
commune initiated?
Kenny Myson,
Boston, Massachusetts
Dear Kenny:
We're not sure how you found out about our top-secret initiation
ceremony, but we're not happy knowing we have a leak among our
collective. Accusations have been tossed back and forth, knife blades
have been flashed and threats lobbied. The most obvious source of the
leak, to most of us, seems to be Ramon Nootles, but he declares with
scenery-chewing fervor that Ted Ted has been out to frame him since
the beginning. Quite a shambles our editorial offices are in.
Other than that, we feel confident in saying that each of our staff
has been initiated at different times so we can't say specifically
when the commune itself was initiated for the answer is different for
us all. It started out as nothing more than a stern paddling, but in
more recent years our newest reporters have been subjected to a humiliating
process of running naked down a corridor of staff members throwing wild
punches and flashing blow torches at them. Some don't make it out at
all. But those who do are fiercely dedicated to our cause. And when the
day comes, the commune will cease reporting the news and start making
it. At least that's what Red Bagel says.
Of course, now that you know, we have to kill you to cut off the
information leak at its most recent source. Thanks for reading!
the commune
Dear commune:
I have anticipated further trouble answering my question so I wanted to
clarify: I only want to know what year the first edition of the commune
was made available to the public. Other than that, I want to made it
very clear I know nothing incriminating. Thanks.
Kenny Myson,
Boston, Massachusetts
Dear Kenny:
You don't know what a relief that is. Whew! Thanks a lot for putting
everybody here at ease.
The first commune was premiered for the public in 1999. Before that
the commune was only published in small circles using pamphlets written on
the back of previously published pamphlets about the benefits of
becoming a Jehovah's Witness.
Thanks for writing!
the commune
Editor's Note:
the commune is not responsible, we're merely sponsible, and see no
reason to repeat ourselves. The guys who write the tiny type for the
commune are going on strike starting now. As soon as we finished that
sentence. And the one you just read, too. All the sentences you just
read, and this one you're reading now, too, so we're on strike... NOW!
Milestones
the commune's scratch 'n sniff look at last year's office potluck
Opportunities
Pants a Capitalist
Free Virus Baggies
Take a Kitten, Please
the commune book selections
the commune's Bear in Rearview
the commune's Big Book of Duke
Faces of the commune
the commune 100: Leaders and Revolutionaries
the commune 100: Traitors and Noodledicks
FAQ Shwartz |
Site Map's Somewhere in the Glovebox |
Search In Vain |
Contract Ick
Privacy Police |
Terms of Gary Busey |
Reprints & Persimmons |
Press Eject Now
Volume 5
This is our most recent mission statement, and it hangs proudly
on the door of our New York offices: “I don’t see any bright ideas
coming from you, Mr. Bigshot with the fat mouth and all.”
Volume 4
Whoa, I think you totally mis-read us, Greg. Obviously
the commune respects everyone in the world and their lifestyle
choices, especially homosexuals.
Volume 3
Yes, Virginia, there is a Satan.
He knows when you're sleeping he knows when you've
been bad or good. And soon he'll be coming to your house!
Merry Christmas!
Volume 2
We treat you like a queen and it's never good enough. Fuck this
insane bullshit. You're afraid to be loved.
Volume 1
Also, we do not manufacture TVs. We are a website. You must have purchased your
television elsewhere.