Ed Phillips here again. Just had to let you know you guys were
on the right track again with that teenage pregnancy issue.
It's an unbelievable epidemic. I've gotten four teenage girls
pregnant in the last six months. The problem is uncontrollable.
Back in my high school days, nearly 20 years ago, the girls
were properly shamed for straying from society's moral compass.
Three of the teenage girls I impregnated as a young man left
town quickly to see abortions in states where they were easily
obtainable.
Who's to blame? Call me old-fashioned, but I say it's the
parent's fault. When parents finally stop blaming schools and
T.V. violence and guys like me, then they can focus their
attention on being better parents.
Ed Phillips
Hackensack, NJ
Dear commune:
You guys should do something about Omar Bricks. That son of a
bitch is seriously close to crossing the line. He has no right
to lecture anyone on the dangers of smoking. I have been
smoking for ten years and with the exception of one
collapsed lung I have had no problems.
My dog has been smoking for 2 years now. Is he unhealthy? Hell
no! Sure, he isn't as fast as he used to be but that's because
he is an old dog and only has one leg left. Do you think that
is funny? You are heartless bastards. And you should definitely
do something about that Omar Bricks.
My dad is a tobacco man from way back. He used to raise tobacco,
before the tractor accident robbed him of his own head. But if
he could dad would be here smoking alongside me and Rags.
I usually enjoy Omar Bricks' "My Friend Polio," but not anymore!
I'm starting to wonder if someone's at the wheel of the commune,
if you know what I mean.
This is not in response to a specific article, but I can tell
by the way Omar Bricks stares at me while I'm reading "My
Friend Polio" with a cigarette in hand that he is one of
those non-smoking bastards who would lecture me and my dog if
given half a chance. I will not stand for this!
Also, tell Bricks to stay the hell away from my sister. Again,
just a preventative measure.
No longer a happy reader, Ira M. Bumquist
Fayetteville, NC
Dear commune:
My T.V. is once again on the blink. Is this what you call
quality service?
Angry customer, Bridgette Hardy
Montpelier, VT
Dear Bridgitte:
We are sorry you're unhappy with your commune service. Our aim
is customer satisfaction; when we fall short, we have no one to
blame but ourselves.
Our only desire is to keep our customers happy. We appreciate
your alerting us to lacking service, and we shall do our best
to remedy it. Quality is the only word one should associate
with the commune. We are working to make the commune better and
your comments are crucial to that, and important for us to hear.
Also, we do not manufacture T.V.s. We are a website. You must
have purchased your television elsewhere.
We are express-shipping to you a clue.
the commune
Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for the content
of letters or the opinions expressed therein. The opinions and
content arrive to us sealed in the envelopes tightly and
there's no way we can get inside except to open them. Believe
us, we've tried alternative methods and it never works out.
Milestones
the commune's scratch 'n sniff look at last year's office potluck
Opportunities
Pants a Capitalist
Free Virus Baggies
Take a Kitten, Please
the commune book selections
the commune's Bear in Rearview
the commune's Big Book of Duke
Faces of the commune
the commune 100: Leaders and Revolutionaries
the commune 100: Traitors and Noodledicks
FAQ Shwartz |
Site Map's Somewhere in the Glovebox |
Search In Vain |
Contract Ick
Privacy Police |
Terms of Gary Busey |
Reprints & Persimmons |
Press Eject Now
Volume 1
Also, we do not manufacture TVs. We are a website. You must have purchased your
television elsewhere.