Economy Fine, According to Poll
Enron CEO sees economy as “just fine” 
BY BONER CUNNINGHAM Worshington, DC

SNAPPER DOUGAL for the commune Enron CEO Ken Lay and George W. Bush at a recent square-dancing competition

In a recent poll of Enron CEO’s, the American economy was said to be doing “just fine right now, just fine.”

Enron CEO and acknowledged Ponzi-scheme expert Ken Lay, queried while attending a White House get-together with his butt-buddy George W. Bush, the alleged president of the United States, put to rest rumors that the economy was about to go south, or was, in fact, already in the tank.

“That’s a lot of horse shit,” Lay said, laughing heartily. “I mean, sure, a few thousand people have been laid off recently, and maybe one or two of ‘em are going to have to sell their boats or their vacation houses, but from where I sit... ha ha, excuse me, I just find this very amusing... from where I... ha ha ha!... from where I sit... oh, dear god, this is too much...” Lay chortled convulsively for a few minutes, then paused to wipe tears from his eyes. He took a few deep breaths with the aid of what appeared to be a large canister of nitrous oxide, and shook his head vigorously. Finally somewhat composed, he continued, “From where I sit, the economy is just peachy-fucking-keen! Ha! Ain’t that right, Cracky?”

Lay then reached over to smack the alleged president hard on his backside, which caused him to nearly drop the glass pipe and butane lighter he had been holding up to his face, and to cough and choke on the voluminous clouds of acrid smoke that billowed from his mouth and nose.

“Oh, yeah. Whatever you say, Kenny,” Bush said, once he had regained his composure. “Kenny’s my main man,” he went on, “whatever he says, you can trust it to be truthorious.”

When asked if he thought most other Americans shared his rosy view of the current economy, Lay said simply, “Ha! Who gives a flying fuck? What color are their parachutes?”

To which Bush chimed in, “Yeah. Joke ‘em if they can’t take a fucking.”

Lay then stared hard at his compatriot for a few long seconds, and finally commented, “You know, you really are a fucking idiot, Cracky, just like everyone says.”

“Shut up!” retorted Bush. “Am not!”

The two then engaged in a slap fight that lasted nearly ten minutes, with Lay appearing to get the best of Bush by feinting with his left hand and repeatedly connecting with his right on Bush’s cheek.

Asked for further comment on the state of the economy, Lay just waved his hand in dismissal and chuckled some more.

Signaling that the interview was concluded, Bush then turned his attention back to the glass pipe and lighter, ignoring both Lay and this reporter.

The event was a simple Saturday morning gathering that featured Colin Powell doing a sprightly tap dance for the guests, followed by John Ashcroft demonstrating some of the latest torture techniques on a group of unnamed Middle Eastern detainees and a ritual deflowering of all the underage daughters of the White House staff. Brunch was served, and it was a hearty Texas-style repast, composed of hearts of retarded felon salad in a balsamic vinaigrette and baked Mexican baby head with truffles.

the commune news said you were allowed to play your guitar until 10 and it's 10:01 now. There’s more to Boner Cunningham than meets the eye, and no one disputes his prowess with a microphone, so just back off, bub. That’s right, I mean you. Hit the bricks, Chester.