Euro Already Losing Ground to Scooby Bucks
Paramount’s Kings Island currency stronger than Europe
BY
IVANA FOLGER-BALZAC London, UK
AP/Hanna-Barbera
New European dollar unmasked as weak by Scooby Doo (inset)
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2002 is proving a bleaker year for the united European economy as the new Euro Dollar
lost ground to the Paramount’s Kings Island Scooby Buck at the close of the market
Friday.
The Scooby Buck, a currency bearing the likeness of the Hanna-Barbera Great Dane and
accepted only within Paramount’s Kings Island theme parks, has reportedly been rising
steadily with the onset of a film version of Scooby Doo coming summer of this year.
At the same time, arguments over the Euro Dollar and the recent failings of the stock market
have only served to drive down the value of the new European standard coin.
“It’s not surprising,” said Columbia University Professor of Economy Merton Scheff. “The
European market has been separated all of its history. It’s a bold move more political than
economical to develop and accept a currency that crosses boundaries. Factor into that the
contrasting safety of a theme park currency, where homelessness is non-existant and the
issue of unemployment usually just means you don’t have to spend another hot day in that
lousy Yogi Bear suit.”
Added Scheff: “Plus, have you ever turned on The Cartoon Network? That goddamn dog
is always on there. Maybe he owns the network or something.”
In an effort to combat the weakening Euro, associates of the European Union Organization
have suggested several ways to raise prominence of the new united Europe. One is the
world’s largest coaster, the Crusade, which if constructed will be the world’s largest and
most dangerous coaster. Unlike American coasters, Euro Union representatives promise
children will be able to ride just like adults.
Another proposal winning acceptance among the heads of the united European countries is
mascot designed to warm up the appeal of Europe to outsiders. The mascot, Queen Mum,
will be adorned in the flags of all the European countries and look exactly like Britain’s
Queen Elizabeth, except for the much larger head. Mascot designers have said that physics
prevent duplicating such a head in a mascot uniform.
the commune news says Fox totally stole its idea for a sitcom based on the 80’s, even the
title of That 80’s Show. Ivana Folger-Balzac isn’t going to see a penny of her
money if Ivan has anything to say about it; of course, he doesn’t.
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