India, Pakistan, Israel, Palestine to Settle Disputes in Ring
Unprecedented 4-country tag team match will solve all grievances
BY
LIL DUNCAN New York City, NY
JUNIOR BACON
Israel's tough man The Yiddish Nightmare and his manager, The Colonel
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Recent events of 2001 as well as deteriorating treaties have embroiled the entire world in
the disagreements of the countries of India and Pakistan as well as Israel and Palestine.
Now, thanks to the negotiations of the United Nations and special arbitrator Vince
McMahon, the four countries are going to settle their differences once and for
all—on the mat.
Representatives of each country are going to battle head-to-head in a no-holds-barred
open match Jan. 19th, dubbed my McMahon as the “WWF International Slam: World
Wrestle III.”
According to McMahon, details of the match are still being worked out, though the four
sides have tentatively agree to a pairing, Israel and India against Pakistan and Palestine.
Under the current rules as proposed, the outcome of the match could determine
Palestine’s acceptance of the state of Israel and their occupation of the West Bank,
and foreign objects will not be banned.
Wrestlers so far chosen for the match have included India’s Sacred Cow, Pakistan’s The
Koran Krusher, Palestine’s Little Jambi Twister, and from Israel, The Yiddish Nightmare.
“These are some great wrestlers, and some great countries,” said McMahon, talking from
the lobby of the arena where the proposed superslam would take place. “It’s about time
they stopped talking and started pinning. Enough of this chosen one hoo-ha. Maybe if Allah
or God or whoever wants you to win so bad, he’ll make the other man tap out.”
Some controversy has arisen over how well the countries will adhere to the agreed
outcome, with the promise of no re-matches (unless the Pay-Per-View take triples
expectations). Also, there is some debate over The Koran Krusher’s friendship with
“Stone Cold” Steve Austin, a reported drinking buddy. If things go down hard enough
on the mat, will Stone Cold step in?
“I got no interest in politics or religion,” said Stone Cold, returning a phone call to the
commune. “I attend the church of pain. That’s all I care about. But if some lousy trash-talker
like the Sacred Cow takes a folding chair to my buddy while he’s helping out Little Jambi…
well, that’s just low-down and I can’t abide that.”
Democratic Senator Tom Daschle has remarked on his own suspicions that the whole thing
is just another Vince McMahon exploitative extravaganza with an eye on making money
rather than world peace.
“This whole thing stinks of a way to get Stone Cold into the ring with the Rock. It’s just like
McMahon to use the pain and suffering of hundreds of years of relations between these
nations to stage some showdown. Did you see the last bout with The Yiddish Nightmare?
The Rock was pacing back and forth in the stands, just waiting to pop in and throttle Danny
Jalalabad. Sounds like some McMahon foreshadowing to me.”
the commune news doesn’t need to bench 150 lbs. to be a man—besides, we’ve
been pretty sick lately. Lil Duncan is a proud sponsor of the 2002 Jamaican bobsledding
team.
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