Woman Sues Wal-Mart Over Snippy Greeter Irate shopper trouble with a capital T BYBLUDNEY PLUD Cankersore, IN
CHELTON RANCOR for the commune
Mrs. Wang returning a $5 bill to Walmart customer service because of “unacceptable doodling”
A frequent Wal-Mart shopper alleges that the woman hired as a greeter at her local
outlet is “not very friendly” to her, and is taking the chain to court for
restitution for what she terms “mental distress.”
Mrs. Anita Wang, of nearby Uvulaville, said that she had been in Wal-Mart three
times in the last week, and that the greeter, a Ms. Diana Dwart, had ignored her
on one occasion, greeted her with “just a flat smile and a close-mouthed ‘mm-hmm’”
on another visit, and was “downright snippy” the last time she went in the store.
“I mean, what do they pay that woman to do? To greet people, right?” asked Mrs.
Wang. “Then why doesn’t she greet me when I walk in there? Why doesn’t she say
hello, how are you, or something like that? I’ve watched her, and she always says
hello to other shoppers. But when I come in, you’d think I was bringing the plague
in with me. She looks the other way, she turns her nose up, and the last time I was
there – and this was really the last straw for me – she actually sneered when I
said hello first! Well, I just couldn’t believe that Wal-Mart would hire someone
that rude, but when I went to complain to the manager, he just looked at me like
I was crazy. Like it was my fault that their employee was nasty to me! That’s when
I decided to take my case to court.”
Asked to comment, Ms. Dwart said that Mrs. Wang has been a long-time problem at
that particular store, and is well-known to management as “trouble with a capital
T.”
“She’s been a burr in my bee-hind for years now,” said Dwart. “If you ask me, she’s
not right in the head. She comes in here every week and complains about something.
Last week, she went off about us not having ‘blue-light specials’ anymore. When we
told her that was K-Mart, and not Wal-Mart, she started raising holy heck, and told
us she was going to sue us all. The week before that, it was something about the
soft-serve ice cream being too soft. It’s always something with her.”
When informed of Ms. Dwart’s comments, Mrs. Wang responded by jumping up and down
and shrieking, “She said that? Oooh, I’m going to sue all of them, I’m going to sue
them until I own that company, and then I’m going to fire her fat b-u-t-t!” After
approximately twenty minutes of this behavior, paramedics were called and Mrs. Wang
was given a heavy dose of tranquilizers.
No court date has yet been announced for Mrs. Wang’s civil action.
Bludney Plud is The Reporter Formerly Known as Wallace E. Watermelon.
When announcing his name change, Watermelon/Plud said, to no one in
particular, “I know none of you bastards ever gave two shits about me
before, but now there’s a new Mr. Macho in town, and his name is Plud.
Bludney Plud! Let’s see how you treat me NOW!”He made a few subsequent comments, but was drowned out by the chirping of nearby crickets.
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