Spacey and Oscar: Together Forever Most-favored sardonic actor gets own category BYSTIGMATA SPENT Hollywood, CA
LIAM SNOOT/AP
Kevin Spacey, actor and collector of new and used Oscars.
The Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences announced today that they
are creating a special category of Oscar, beginning with this year’s ceremony,
that will be reserved exclusively for actor Kevin Spacey.
“We just really, really like the guy, you know?” said an Academy
spokesperson. “That’s why we’ve created the Kevin Spacey Perpetual
Award, to be given to Kevin Spacey every single year from now on. We just
think he’s a great practitioner of his craft, and a delight to have around.”
Speaking under condition of anonymity, at a location that may or may not
have been the Viper Room, the spokesperson, wearing a Groucho mask and
holding a handkerchief in front of his mouth to disguise his voice, went on to
add that “This doesn’t mean he won’t still be eligible for Oscars in other
categories, like Best Actor or whatever. It just means that we’re assured of
having him up on stage and thanking the Academy at least once every year.”
“The great thing is, he’s not some fat, bloated lunatic with his best years long
behind him who walks around the set without his pants on and sends Native
American women to pick up his awards and talk politics all night, like
Brando. And he’s not a young, talented firebrand like Sean Penn, who
ignores our annual get-together and calls us all bad names. He’s just a real
nice guy in real life. Or so I’ve heard.”
Casting a wary glance from side to side to make sure no one was
eavesdropping, the spokesperson went to say, in a very low voice, “There
is also a significant faction among the Academy members who still think he
might actually be Keyser Soze, and I can tell you in confidence that that
belief may have played a small part in this decision. Of course,” he said,
chuckling slightly and leaning back in his chair, “he could also really be the
alien Prot, and disappear from this Earth in a beam of light at any time, heh.
That’s the beautiful thing about Kev is that you just never know, you know
what I mean?”
When asked if there were plans to set up a special Perpetual Award for
anyone else, the spokesperson replied, “Well, we tossed around Julia
Roberts’ name for a while, because most of us like her a lot, but the
consensus was that we would hold off with her until she decides to get
naked onscreen. Because really, how are you supposed to judge if a broad’s
got talent or not when she keeps her clothes on in every single movie she
makes? I mean, what’s up with that?”
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