commune Chastised for Use of Word “Dick“
Prudes get panties in bunches BYRED BAGEL Greenwich Village, NY
AL GRAFT for the commune
the commune comes under fire
A recent story run by the the commune news about the arrest of comedian Andy Dick
has inspired a maelstrom of reader mail and telephone calls, with readers taking
offense at the commune’s repeated use of the word “Dick“ in that article. This
is an issue that has sent shockwaves through the publishing community, shaking to
the very foundation the way news is reported in this country.
Many alternate names were suggested for future reference to the comedian in question.
The Mennonite Express reprinted the commune’s article with the offending name
changed to “Andy Penis.“ Yodum Yoder of the Amish American suggested a change to
“Andy Yoder“ in future publications and reprints. Pointing out possible gendercentric
leanings in the commune’s handling of the article, the Northern North Carolina
Women’s Coalition has suggested the gender-neutral “Andy Genitalia“ for all future
usage. Finally, a reader from Los Angeles going by the name Dandy Ick suggested the
evocative “Andy Love Missile.“
The ruckus surrounding this issue has reached far and wide, leading
to commune Issue 47 burnings all across the Southern US. Since the commune is an
Internet-only publication, and isn’t at any point ever printed on paper, this led to
the surreal scene of men in white robes setting fire to huge piles of PCs, laptops,
and palm-top computers, in addition to telephones, phone chords, answering machines,
reams of blank paper and sacks of kittens.
To appease the varying interests among our readership and to diffuse any potential
further controversy, from this date forward the commune will refer to comedian
in question as “Adolf Hitler.“ Thank you.
the commune News would like to thank Mike Tyson for teaching the world to love.
Red Bagel is the commune’s fearless editor and Riverboat gambler extraordinaire.
Milestones
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Faces of the commune
the commune 100: Leaders and Revolutionaries
the commune 100: Traitors and Noodledicks
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