Clinton Strikes Back President answers calls for impeachment with 45-minute riff BYRAOUL DUNKIN Washington, DC
MAXI SHORE/AP
President Clinton putting the “party” back in partisan politics
In what appeared to be a reaction to increasing Republican impeachment
efforts, President Clinton today used his State of the Union address to
launch what former House Whatchamathingy Newt Gingrich termed “Slick Willy's
Def Comedy Jam.” The 45-minute speech consisted mainly of a long riff on
comedian Jeff Foxworthy's popular “You Might Be a Redneck...” comedy routine,
skewed to address Clinton's Republican detractors. An excerpt follows:
“If you’ve been
on CNN more than three times talking about how funny Rush Limbaugh is,
you might be a Republican! If you think a blow job is a woman’s hairstyle,
you might be a Republican! If you deny having nipples at all, you might
be a Republican! If you’ve ever pissed on homeless children to keep from
having to wait in line for the men’s room at a public event, you might
be a Republican!
“If you think food stamps are a special Thanksgiving issue
from the Post Office... you might be a Republican! If you've ever spoken
the words ‘Andy Rooney's got a point there...’ you might be a Republican!
If you haven’t had sex since Dick Nixon was in office... you might be a
Republican! You suck, Goodnight!”
Asked to comment on Clinton’s use of his routine, Foxworthy commented:
“If you know what Elvis Presley’s farts taste like, you might be a redneck!
Thank you, goodnight!” Former presidential candidate Bob Dole was less
amenable. “Bob Dole's never spanked any Puerto Ricans! Bob Dole's not sorry
and you can kiss Bob Dole's black ass!”
Puerto Ricans could not be reached
for comment.
The preceeding
material does not necessarily represent the opinions, views, fantasies
or typing skills of the commune, its staff, the communist party, sentient
lifeforms or Raoul Dunkin himself. All rights and you’ll never get there
on time, you have to turn left on South Main.
Milestones
the commune’s scratch 'n sniff look at last year’s office potluck
Opportunities
Pants a Capitalist
Free Virus Baggies
Take a Kitten, Please
the commune book selections
the commune’s Bear in Rearview
the commune’s Big Book of Duke
Faces of the commune
the commune 100: Leaders and Revolutionaries
the commune 100: Traitors and Noodledicks
FAQ Shwartz |
Site Map’s Somewhere in the Glovebox |
Search In Vain |
Contract Ick
Privacy Police |
Terms of Gary Busey |
Reprints & Persimmons |
Press Eject Now
Clinton Strikes Back
The 45 minute speech consisted mainly of a long riff on comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s
popular “You Might Be a Redneck...” comedy routine, skewed to address Clinton’s Republican
detractors.