Newest Governors
Already Recalled
Tuesday winners ousted on Thursday
SNAPPER McGEE/MOLLY
Top: Former Governor-Elect Haley Barbour plays tiny violin for ousted Mississippi incumbent Governor Ronnie Musgrove. Bottom: More recent Governor-Elect Bumphrey Hoggs and his dummy Ron allege Haley Barbour is actually demonstrating his penis size.
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Political upheaval, the most boring kind for most Americans, occurred when two governors newly-elected in Tuesday’s election were recalled Friday in the world’s quickest voter flip-flop.
“The voters have spoken, again,” said newly-elected Mississippi governor Bumphrey Hoggs. “And it’s clear they want a new direction for this state. A change from the last two days of special-interest control and pork-barrel politics.”
Hoggs was only one of the two newly-elected governors replacing two governors newly-elected Tuesday. Hoggs replaced new Republican governor-elect of Mississippi Haley Barbour, a one-time lobbyist and alleged state trooper who pulled over this visiting reporter, while in Kentucky Republican Ernie “Hey Bert” Fletcher was replaced by Congressman Mike Redmunch in what political analysts only I know are calling “the most confusing 48-hour campaign in history.”
Fletcher’s concession speech Friday embodied the election confusion: “I, uh… What happened? Am I the governor or what?”
Redmunch ran a controversial dirty campaign accusing Fletcher of improprieties in his two-day reign as governor-elect, including mispronouncing several Kentucky counties’ names. Local journalists, including The Lexington Sentinel, called the final stages of the campaign the dirtiest 24 hours Kentucky has ever witnessed, outside of the livestock incidents. Even stranger, Redmunch was a fellow Republican replacing the first Republican governor elect in the state in 32 years. According to publicists for Redmunch, the candidate defended his actions by saying he had already been in the race 13 hours when he received confirmation of Fletcher’s Republican status, by which time it was “too late to back out.”
“He may claim to be a Republican,” accused Remunch, in an 11th-hour campaign appearance in the 43rd hour of his campaign, “but he certainly sounds like a Democrat from where I’m standing. And how about his record as governor? What has he done for us since taking office?”
Attempts by reporters to explain Governor-Elect Fletcher had not yet officially taken office were drowned out by loud populous applause.
The story was quite different in Mississippi, where Tuesday winner Republican Haley Barbour was unseated by bitter rival and former drinking buddy Democrat Bumphrey Hoggs following a contentious debate Wednesday at 5:30 a.m., 30 minutes before polls opened. Reactions to the debate were quite different, as television viewers, a majority of the 30, believed the attractive Hoggs won the debate, while radio listeners reportedly requested Skynyrd.
In both cases, private financiers led drives to petition for a quick recall vote following the announcement of election results Tuesday night. State supreme courts refused to hear the arguments against recall elections so soon, based on the fact they want a week’s notice on all cases, and would not grant a temporary stay “out of interests to the insane reactionary voters, whose political opinions could easily change in the greater span of a week.”
With the needed signatures gathered by 11 p.m. in Kentucky and 12:30 Tuesday in Mississippi, recall elections were set for Thursday. Both challenging campaigns spent in the range of $20-30,000 to unseat the recent electees.
All is not finished, however, as Republican financiers in Mississippi, who lost the seat Thursday they had gained only Tuesday, have already begun petitions to replace fresh incumbent Bumphrey Hoggs and to have an emergency “no tagbacks” declared to end petitions until another petition against such an action can be signed.
the commune news cannot be recalled, as we are a private organization and are in no way subject to your piddling emotional outburst of political ignorance. That aside, thanks for reading! Raoul Dunkin is a star reporter during the ten minutes at the beginning of the day before everyone shows up.
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