Davis Warns Recall Will Lead to Robot Revolution
Governor speaks against recall measure, rise of machines
WHIT PISTOL
Governor Davis wags his fist in the angry “Why I oughta…!” gesture at his own slide projector after realizing it is also a machine and a potential threat.
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As efforts to hold a recall election for governor gain momentum in California, embattled Gov. Gray Davis stressed Saturday that putting the referendum on the ballot will open the door to catastrophe in the state, up to and including a revolution of machines.
In a speech to Democratic supporters, Davis illustrated with a slide show some of the accomplishments of his first term as governor and the potential dangers of a voter-mandated recall election. With a record low approval rating, Davis could be in jeopardy if forced to run another campaign against a well-financed Republican opponent. The most disturbing aspect for Davis is the possibility of Republican action-movie beefcake Arnold Schwarzenegger running against him. The prospect led to Davis’ insinuation that allowing Schwarzenegger to run would create a real war of the machines in California.
While never stating outright Schwarzenegger is actually a robot, like the Terminator machine he plays the series of the same name, Davis implied the millionaire movie star seemed to lack “humanity.”
“It’s just a little, I don’t know, funny… this guy blows every attempt to play a cop or a mercenary or even a bodybuilder, but when he plays a robot in a movie, you believe it’s a robot alright,” said Davis, stopping to turn to a slideshow photo of the actor and shake his head. “I smell something funny here, like a bratwurst fart.”
Davis further insinuated the way time-travel was explained in the original Terminator seemed “entirely plausible” to him, and the idea of a war with the machines had been a popular concern of world leaders for years, even pointing to an alleged plan on file at the FBI during J. Edgar Hoover’s time. Near the end of the presentation, Davis also casually mentioned he had friends who visited Austria and could find no official record of Schwarzenegger’s birth.
“Not that I’m saying anything about Mr. Schwarzenegger, of course,” added Davis. “I’m here to talk about the possibility of a recall election. It is a little odd the good man has been in this country for around 30 years or more and still has an accent like he just got off a plane from Vienna. It’s tough to lose a program, though. I mean accent—did I say program?”
Davis predominately spoke of efforts to prevent a recall election before it could be put on the ballots, outlining his plan to reduce California’s deficit and the creation of a gigantic EMP generator which could shut off all electrical devices if such a dire emergency required it. The governor also promoted legislation that would require the registration of computers and all “high-functioning” machines in state businesses and residences.
“Mind you, I don’t speak Austrian or German or whatever,” continued Davis, “but I know people who do. Some of those people have told me ‘Schwarzenegger’ directly translates as ‘Unit 5.’ Which I find a little questionable.”
An event organizer then asked Davis if it was necessary to keep returning to the subject of Arnold Schwarzenegger, to which the governor responded that it was the other man who brought it up this time. When asked what other man was being referred to, Davis said that he doesn’t even own a television, and distrusts all electronic devices from televisions to PDAs, though he wasn’t saying anything bad about machines in general.
“I would like to again say that I have and will continue to represent California as it deserves, even if my opponents would like to waste millions of taxpayer dollars on private vendettas to oust me from office. Money which could well be used to build up our National Guard and train them in state-of-the-art robot-combat skills.”
the commune news is not afraid of a little healthy competition, and even less scared of sickly competition, say, a man with emphysema in a 100-yard dash. Raoul Dunkin is at the top of his game, and that’s a really sad thing to admit.
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