Bush Narrowly Escapes Near-Ethnic Encounter
President resting comfortably among white people once again  
BY LIL DUNCAN Washington, DC

ANSEL EVANS
File Photo: President Bush attempts ethnic greeting.

President George W. Bush was protected from physical contact with a member of a minority group thanks to the efforts of the secret service Wednesday.

Alfredo Garcia, a lawyer of Hispanic descent, attempted to embrace the president in a gesture of greeting Wednesday afternoon before he was wrestled to the ground by secret service agents who intervened. A visibly shaken President Bush was then rushed into a limousine and transported away from the scene.

Garcia is being held and debriefed by the secret service. His wife, Marta Garcia, claims her husband is a lifelong Republican and campaign contributor who just wanted to hug the president, despite all warnings to keep his hands at his side and away from Bush as he passed through the area.

“We’re not certain Mr. Garcia intended the president any harm,” said secret service commander Dick Gautier. “It’s entirely possible it was a misunderstanding or severe breach of protocol. What’s important is that the president is still sheltered from contact with ethnic people.”

Many in the Republican party are asking how this could happen? How could the secret service allow such an obvious Hispanic get so close to the president to nearly embrace him?

“Obviously we’ll be reviewing the case to see if anyone here dropped the ball,” Gautier said. “He was a very American-looking man, dressed nicely, a campaign contributor and Republican party supporter. I don’t think anyone expected him to be ethnic in any way. Clearly we have to instruct our agents to be more observant in the future.”

President Bush has released no official statement at this time, though he is reportedly resting comfortably and watching “The Lawrence Welk Show” reruns to forget the incident.

the commune news can’t wait around all day for you to get your shit together. Lil Duncan has a pair of legs that won't quit, though her ass does take breaks every ten minutes.

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