Irony Bites President
Bush in the Ass
Mugabe stole Zimbabwe election, president says with straight face  
BY LIL DUNCAN Washington, D.C.

JUNIOR BACON
The president, still not sure he sees what's so funny.

Few were surprised when statements made by President Bush last week invited the bite of irony. The president, frequently less observant of irony in his statements than Alanis Morissette in hers, was attacking Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe for stealing the recent election in his country.

Mugabe’s method of election fraud was with open threats to members of the opposing party, Zimbabwe’s Movement for Democratic Change party, and discouraging voters from turning out to cast their vote for the opposition. Violence and blatant electioneering were observed around the country, though no evidence of fixing votes themselves has been brought to light.

The situation echoed the 2000 U.S. presidential election so clearly the irony was apparently visible from the outer space, though President Bush completely missed the irony once again.

“Mugabe has clearly interfered with the will of the people,” said President Bush, who failed to clearly win the popular vote in his own country in 2000. “I ask him to graciously stand aside and allow the election process to be carried out without his interference.”

No other method of reaction other than verbal scorning is likely to come from the United States or other western superpowers. Any pressure placed on Zimbabwe by the U.S., in the form of sanctions or other political or economical pressures, would surely invite more intense irony.

“President Mugabe has created an uneven playing field for the opposition,” said Bush, whose brother Jeb is the governor of Florida, the state whose electoral college cast the deciding votes in favor of Bush. “He ought to be ashamed of himself,” said Bush, hip-deep in red-hot irony.

Mugabe has run his campaign on platform of turning over white-owned land to native black residents and anti-imperialism. Bush, in contrast, campaigned on the platform his dad had been president.

“Surely President Bush must understand that when an election grows heated a nominee must welcome natural advantages to his campaign,” said Mugabe.

“Unh-uh, don’t follow ya,” said Bush upon hearing Mugabe’s statement.

Since Bush’s “election” in 2000, irony has been an ever-present character in the Bush White House, appearing more frequently with the president than Vice-President Dick Cheney.

the commune news wishes Tonya Harding best of luck in her next celebrity boxing match, and against dignity. Lil Duncan is a commune White House correspondent and can intimately describe the Lincoln bedroom.

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