ANSEL EVANS Oh, yeah, Secretary of State likey

“Sure enough,” Powell said, addressing a room full of inquisitive teen-agers and fine ladies, “I am, always have been, and always will be a connoisseur of sweet asses.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Powell continued, “I love every part of a tasty young lady—and I do mean every part. But if you nailed me down, oh, I don’t know, say held a gun to my hand and demanded to know… it’s true, folks. I’m a rear admiral.”

Previous statements from sources close to the Secretary of State have suggested he loves big and bouncy titties, the bigger the better. One close friend, female, assured the press Powell was a legman, and couldn’t resist a sweet mama with a long pair of “sex handles.”

“Again, nothing wrong with a nice pair up there or down there,” Powell said with a sly grin, running his hands sensuously against the podium, “but you all have me wrong. I’m into hip fox with a loose caboose.”

As if proving his statement, as he exited the press room, Powell stopped and craned his neck trying to catch a glimpse of a female M-TV intern with a fully-loaded trunk on the way up the press aisle. “Mmm-mmm-MMM!” Powell grunted under his breath, shaking his head to escape the vision and exiting quietly.

the commune news is presented in anamorphic widescreen to preserve its original theatrical aspect ratio of 2.35:1. Lil Duncan is the commune's Washington correspondent and therefore gets a parking space close to the building while hard-working tiny-type writers have to hoof it in from two blocks away.

Bush Reveals New Shadow Government
Emergency "super friends" to take power if administration lost.

Americans Copying Shitty Music They Refuse to Buy
Pirate downloading, copying blamed for CD sales decline.

Texas Scientist Regrets Cloning Cat
"Asshole cat" back from the grave.

Georgia Man Makes Killing on Corpses
Zombies the growth industry of the young millenium.

Russell Crowe Receives Oscar Nod for Role in Ben Gay Commercial
Academy hopes Aussie actor will notice them at long last.