Dick stands proudly next to his "Once stood here for a real long time" honorary plaque.

"Look Bob... you can trust me. *squeaky voice* NO YOU CAN'T! Shut up! HE'S LYING! Shut up! HE'S GOT A GUN! Stupid hand!"

Actually, we don't need the blinding white light, but the abductees seem to expect this sort of thing.

Bill was a brave man. So brave in fact that he decided to save some cash and perform his own vasectomy with strategicly placed V-clamps and a car battery.

"That's it lady! You've insulted me for the last time! Now DRAW..."

Bill made bedsheets out of his own epidermis.

"Freeze! Don't move!" "Bitch! In case you haven't noticed, I've got a motherfuckin' vault door on my ass!"

The Christmas lights, tired of being tangled year after year, finally get their revenge.

"Greetings counselour! You ready for some justice?" "Dad! You're scaring me!"

'Poorly Researched Theater' presents Marc Singer in the Susan B Anthony story, in IMAX!

Luckily the camera man caught everything as he rode by on the Tilt-a-Whirl.

"The Big Book of Visitation by Entities of Ethereal and Supernatural Gestation by Dr. Seuss."

"Ahhh Mr. Wonka... about those Mexican children making candy in your factory..." "The OmmpahLoompahs?" "I'm not amused by your racial slurs."

Stripping and varnishing did such a great job on the desk. Milt thinks it will do wonders for his own skin.

With the Frugal Gormet away on an errand, the pots and pans quickly begin their escape through the ceiling vent.

Richard Simmons rises early in the morning for another invigorating day of hawking scamful diet plans and snorting pure helium.

"Hold it Hold it, we can make this look like an accident, he came in, slipped and shot himself in the head six times."

o/' Cus they're Yothers... Identical Yothers, and you'll see...

"Shit, my right tit fell off and rolled into the hay. Someone help me find it..."

Bravehick.

"Simply hold your television in your urine stream..."

"Greetings counselour! You ready for some justice?" "Dad! You're scaring me!"

"Woah! We're gonna get an A in Biology for sure!" "Now boys! Cut this out!" "Oh no, Dad! We haven't cut anything out yet! We're still working on the incision."

Despite the fact the park was sometimes crowded, Ethel and Gerald found it the perfect place to take their stolen bumper cars for joyrides.

Three years ago, Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, and Toto ventured into the woods near the Emrald City. A year later, their footage was found.

Meatloaf's poorly received cover version of "Ironic"

Somehow, I kind of enjoy watching Brittney Spears re-enact scenes from "Pet Semetary."

Religious cults that never caught on--#7: "O mighty oncoming locomotive, how I worship thee..." THUD!!!

Ampleshields Lite... for those *light* days...

Billy thinks 'Maybe I should'nt have used that needle I found at the beach to pierce my tounge. I hope it grows back.'

Hey moms, nothing says love more than when you send your kids off to school with a heapin' helpin' of "Grease -n- Granola" -- NEW! From Kraft!

Ewoks in Levis? What the hell was Lucas smoking?

"Tell me... have you accepted Jesus into your heart as your personal savior?" "No... but I let him in the den occasionally as my personal massage therapist!"

"And I tell ya kids! Drugs are BAD BAD BAD! The mighty Mary J. Wanna can KILL! 'Course a 'lil heroin every now and then is fun and- WHAT!? WHAT!? I AM WHO I AM!"

What exactly is Tiny Lister doing to that bedpost? Next on Sightings!

"Good news, sisters! We've figured a way to make the crucifixes vibrate!" *APPLAUSE*