This week, on "Reporter Without a Clue": <back> "I will now attempt to get a word from the guy interviewing the celebrity..."

By the time Steve had gotten to his 42nd verse of "I'm A Little Teapot," Carol had located her handgun.

"Eww! I said I liked circumsised men, not I want to see a man circumsise himself for me!"

"Mommy! Mommy! Look how well my Magic Rocks are growing!"

"OK, I think we're a little too tight on that close-up, Mr. Letterman."

"So, you see the benefits of a penial implant." "Yes, I'll take two." "But, uh, it-" "Supersize me, damnit!"

"What are you doing honey?" "Nothing dear, just drinking a milkshake... mrph mwaph slurp..." "Are you SURE he's not faking his blindness?" "Who cares?"

Stuffy 1850's gentlemen humped into unconciousness. All that and more on "Anne Of Green Doors" Next on You're Shittin Me Porn!

Danny Collins and his stable of grannies: Troutspam, Montana's youngest pimp.

Chet thought it would be more fun to have a keg party actually inside of a keg. Police are still baffled.

"Geoffrey!" "Hyuk, I wanna be a Toys-r-us kid!" *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* "Die evil animal bastard!"

You know Macaulay Culkin hit on hard times when he started renting himself out as a ventriliquist dummy.

"Yes, Simba, you will be a mighty king one day." "Uh... Mr. Jones. You're getting your scripts confused." "Sorry. Luke. I am your-" "No." "This is CNN?" "No."

"Look I tell ya! Nude pantyhose! A socket wrench! You people just don't get it do you!?"

They were later fined $50 per stolen traffic cone

The odd result of cross-breeding a human with a hamster. On the plus side, he can carry four quarter-pounders at a time in there.

"Now look, you'd be fools to pass up a chance to get in on the gound floor of the biggest slice of swiss cheese in history. fools!"

Bobby? Your father thinks you've started smoking.

Good evening, and welcome to "Dowsing in New Jersey"! (... I sense the plutonium is right here!)

When threatened, Cher inflates her necksack!

"You wanna tell that dumb son-of-a-bitch that these aren't train tracks?"

George Carlin is the Fugitive... "Shit!" "GET HIM!" "Piss!" "HE'S OVER HERE!" "Fuck!" "OVER HERE!" "Cocksucker!" "BRING THE DOGS!" "Motherfucker..."

"My name is Allegro Toyota. You killed my neighbor's brother's favorite goldfish! Prepare to defeat me in charades!"

"Look who Billy bludgeoned in school today!"

"MMMPH MMMPHMMM!!!""Quiet Timmy! You're saving us a lot on airfare."

Tonight on a hilarious episode of that new sitcom, "Tumor Girl"...

Crap! I gotta remember: the styling gel's in the bottle to the left, the super glue's in the bottle to the right.

...and here we see from the security camera the shadowy figures of E_B_A and Dibbley outside the home of the former Mr. Bean.

Due to public demand Michael Flatly will now perform his popular impalement routine.

Strippers for Vampires: "Hey guys! She's takin' it off! Whoo hoo! We're gonna see some neck now! YEAH!"

With her spider sense and agility, Janet Reno is mighty tough to beat.

Meanwhile at Rick James' girlfriend's house...

Bill Gates on Jeopardy: "In seven days he created the entire universe." "Who am I Alex?" "Er- judges?"

Pat tired of Julia Sweeny and decided the quick fix was best...

I shall call him, Mini Kramer

"We now go live to the first manned mission to the sun. Commander Louden?" "I'm...AAARRRGGGHHH!" <POP!> <physhh>