For the single man, there's always Decal-Wife™. Just peel her off, stick her to the passanger window, and then relax, feeling simulated marital bliss.

Don't look at me like that. Just cough.

"Hey son? Care for a doughnut?" "Oh God Dad! Get away from me! That's disgusting!" "What? You don't like sprinkles?"

Tony Todd portrays the athletic endevours of Stephen Hawkings, next on "Poorly-Researched Theatre..."

Let's just go to school, man, c'mon. No one's gonna laugh at your braces.

"Look. I'm sorry I killed your dad. I got out of hand. It's just that in my opinion, two rocks does not beat one paper."

I don't think defecating counts as a verdict... we selected the wrong jury foreman.

Well Clown, you sure look different in this light...*wocka* *chicka* *wocka* *chicka*

The other guests tried to strike up a conversation amongst themselves as Maxwell drove an imaginary moped around the room.

...and just fine considering he has pure embalming fluid coarsing through his whithered veins.

"That damn bed of nails... what the fuck was I thinking?!"

"Hi! I'm Beck Hanson urging you to help me save Walden Pond... 'fore it's gone... gonna staple my nose to a magic wand..."

Bill kept his date in a small suitcase, under his refrigerator... needless to say he didn't have many friends

This is where I store the cereal.. This is the cabinet that I store my mother in.. And this is the one I store the cold cuts in...

If you have a mirror, you can de-code the Captioneers' secret message for what will help them through this show!

"None shall cross my bridge... until they have seen my one man show... badum badum ba-dummmmm!"

Some of these Smashing Pumpkins videos don't make a whole lot of sense...

Note to self: clearly label shampoo and Kool Aid.

No, no, no! You're doing the pregnacy test all wrong!

Bodies bodies everywhere- where I'll stack them, they won't care!

"Well, doctor? Is the disease fatal?" "Disease, hell! You've got bigger things to worry about. According to this, you're a fucking manatee!"

Ewan McGregor action figure now in stores! Action not included!

Coming soon from The Cruel Joke Network... "Lost In Space II!" Don't say we didnt warn you!

Hi hon... the microwave is fixed

Low budget Borgs, tonight on what's left of UPN

"Hi! I'm Orson Wells for steak! Ya know! Tenderloin! Ribeye! Porterho- ack! My heart!" *THUD!*

Unfortunately for Tinkerbell, automobile windshields don't believe in fairies.

A woman who takes proffessional quality photos with a third eye on her chin! See her story in Sightings! See her name in the production credits!

"Cue stick? Real men use 50,000 volt wands you wussy!"

Jack walks into a strategically placed mennorah, only to be rendered sterile.

"Wipe yourself with her sheets. Steal some cab fare."

Doesn't something in there kinda' negate the fact that it's space?

The irony of the American Medical Association's glaucoma website.

Thanks to Carelton Sheets, I sold my house in just DAYS!... maybe some day I can afford to move into a new one and out of this boardwalk trashcan...

"Mom?" "Shhhhh! Don't push me, 'cause I'm close to the edge, huh huh huh..."

"Look at THIS guys!" Just then, he realized he had confused his Viagra with those shrinky dinks.