This is High-Grade Stuff the commune's Rok Finger cannot sell cookies individually
Friday, Mar. 16, 2001
As my readers know, I believe
strongly in charityone look at my wife will tell you that.
She holds the demeanor and loving look of a woman whos
weathered many a charity event at her husbands side. So
most Rokophiles are well aware of Rok Fingers
Kids, a charity that helps out comatose orphans or
bed-bound sons and daughters of parents who just dont give
a damn.
These are some of the sweetest
kids youll ever meet, the ones who are awake. Many act like
nothings wrong and are just glad to be alive, truly they
wouldnt even know they were miserable recipients of
Gods wrath if Rok wasnt there to tell them.
And Rok isnt in this for the
trendiness or ego-trip, though both are very nice; Rokwell T.
Finger is here to help. In the past Ive tried Labor Day and
Memorial Day Telethons, but I really dont stay up past 6
p.m. that often, so those havent been very successful. But
every New Years Eve I hold a telethon in their honor down
at the Wild Pussy Cat Club and, though its untelevised, all
donations go to the kids, bless their bedsored little hearts.
But all that money is not enough,
the kids still need new things. Like sheets, pillows, some need
medicine or something, not sure of the details, I just know
theyre needy. So thats why Rok is introducing these
high-grade cookies, the sale of which will benefit the kids
immensely. Though Lord knows they could never eat any of them,
theyd start choking or something, bless their little
reclined souls.
Each box is $20, but for that
price, kids will get new socks and reading lights or something.
The comatose kids will get something, not sure what, but Im
willing to bet those nurses who wipe them and role them over and
empty their piss jugs, they dont work for free, you know?
Twenty dollars will go a long way to help with that. If I ever
find a place to buy everything cheaper than Target, maybe some
corporations join in with the charity (wink, wink) well be
helping more and more kids faster than you can say huge tax
write-off and free publicity (wink, wink).
But it wont feel like
charity, no sir. These are high-grade cookies, I assure you. With
names like Super Chunkolate Chip, Strips
O Chocolate Heaven, Chocolotta Paradise,
Pecandides, Raisin Canes,
Stupendos, Mintos, Peanut Butter
Jesuses, and ButtCookiers, how can you think of
NOT enjoying the hell out of them? Theyre so scrumptious
and good these bastards melt in your mouth before you open the
box. Im not kidding you, Ive tried them, theyre
good. One Pecandide nearly put me in a sugar coma, theyre
rich and packed with deliciousosity.
I guarantee you one taste of any
of those cookies, the next Girl Scout who comes to your door,
youll dry heave in her face. Theyre that damn good.
Youll get so addicted youd kill your mother for a
box. And it all goes to help the kids, so how can you refuse? You
cant! Dont try it! Just give into temptation and buy
a bunch!
I must stress these cookies are
sold in BOXES, I cannot sell cookies individually. I suggest all
you moochers out there who are too cheap to spring for a whole
box all go into together and pool your money or something.
Also, if youd like to help
sell these cookies on behalf of Rok Fingers
Kids, Id love your help. Im pretty much left to
sell them alone, the kids arent out chasing down leads or
anything, I can guarantee you that. So please, come out and
overindulge for charity.
Milestones
the commune's scratch 'n sniff look at last year's office potluck
Opportunities
Pants a Capitalist
Free Virus Baggies
Take a Kitten, Please
the commune book selections
the commune's Bear in Rearview
the commune's Big Book of Duke
Faces of the commune
the commune 100: Leaders and Revolutionaries
the commune 100: Traitors and Noodledicks
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