After being left in the dust by 200 years of Western technological and economic development, China shocked the world this week by announcing a plan to shun all non-Chinese technology in the future, spurning Western gadgetry and culture in favor of whatever the hell they can cobble together on their own.

Once the undisputed technological king of the world, China had a rough go at the 20th century, falling behind Western nations and neighboring Japan. Some trace this development back to China failing to make the transition from chopsticks to forks and knives in the 19th century. China’s current communist government sees technological isolationism as the nation’s best hope at self-reliance, and for fending off exploitation by Western corporations hungry to sink their teeth into a largely untapped 1.3 billion-person market.

The plan is not without its critics, chief among them the 1.3 billion Chinese who cry out in pain at the thought of having to trade in their favorite roundeye technologies in favor of some kind of cheap, shitty Chinese knockoffs, a fear the government has written off as unfounded. Western critics of the plan, however, question if China’s state of technological development, which most consider to be “equivalent to the rest of the world, in 1982,” is ready for such a huge step.

One of the first tests of Chinese readiness to cope with technological isolation will be this year’s release of the ToyThing gaming console, designed to replace the popular Japanese PlayStation and American X-Box in Chinese video-gaming homes this fall. Some Chinese gamers are unnerved by the first batch of titles announced for the ToyThing console, which include Pac-Person, Jouster, Run You Frog!, and Barrel-Throwing Construction Ape. The Chinese government has reassured gamers that the ToyThing will be just as good as the gaming consoles they’ve grown used to, and will come with an equivalent to the popular Grand Theft Auto title in a new Chinese-made game called Polish Position.

China’s government has its highest hopes set on the new Chinese DVD equivalent, the EVD (Extra Very-Good Disc) player. Unsubstantiated government claims that the EVD is “like a DVD with super-powers” have yet to impress either Western critics or Chinese consumers, who doubt such a device actually exists and question the wisdom of naming China’s new tech products in broken English.

Others wonder how the new video discs will fare without support from the Hollywood movie studios, a complication the Chinese government has actually been looking forward to.

“The time is come for Chinese to develop our own entertainments what is just as good as American,” explained Ministry of Science and Technology Dr. Li Wenlei. “Already, Chinese is looking forward to great American-like film such as Little Deer Whose Mother is Dead, Kung-Fu Inside Computer and Look At Alien Flying Bike!”

Also drawing criticism is China’s plan to forego the Wi-Fi wireless networking standard for a Chinese format known as WAPI (Wonderful Asian People Inside). WAPI won out over the competing WIMPI and OOPSI standards because the later two didn’t work with the government’s planned “WAPI to see you!” ad campaign for mobile video conferencing.

Many Chinese citizens expect these latest developments to be only the first step in a larger campaign of cultural isolation, a fear substantiated by recent government campaigns to encourage children to spurn Mickey Mouse for the Chokey Bear cartoon, and promotions for upcoming Chinese sitcoms such as Acquaintances and Bald Radio Psychiatrist Show.

One part of China’s plan that has drawn little to no criticism in China or abroad is the government’s decision to base all Chinese computers on a special Chinese offshoot of the Linux operating system, rather than the expensive and ridiculously security-challenged Microsoft Windows platform. Though some rumors have China abandoning the Internet entirely in favor of ham radios as a part of this scheme, most consider the package deal to be an overall upgrade for the lucky Chinese.